


Painting Flowers

by grandpajumpersandeyelashes



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Everybody Lives, M/M, Mentions of attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-09 19:17:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3261308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandpajumpersandeyelashes/pseuds/grandpajumpersandeyelashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kieren is a starving artist in the least glorious of ways. Despite being untrained and untatted himself, he takes a job at the tattoo parlor to make enough for rent. Next door is a florist's shop, with a man who works there for much the same reasons as Kieren. Simon and Kieren ride the same bus everyday, until one day, Simon stops coming. Caught in a rut of only being able to create things centered around what little Kieren knew about the Irishman, Kieren is still painting flowers for Simon even months after last seeing him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Thought you outgrew all that punk shit.” Rick laughed over a cup of coffee before taking a drink. Kieren shrugged across from him. “You going to take the job? Really?” he asked him.

Kieren sighed. “What else am I supposed to do? Paintings aren’t selling as quickly as I need and I’ve got to pay rent, haven’t I?” he asked. “Besides, if the people there like it, spread the word, then maybe they’ll want prints of other stuff.”

A familiar twinge of guilt found its way to Rick’s gut. Kieren’s financial problems were at least partially his fault. They were still friendly, meeting for coffee and drinks often, but after they had broken up, Kieren moved out of the small flat they had shared. Ever since, he had been scraping up whatever cash he could to try to remain in the city, and Rick knew that he was nearly to the point of needing to move back to Roarton with his parents until he sold more of his work.

“You can move back in, Ren. I’ll take the couch, I don’t mind, really. Least I could do.” Rick offered, sympathetically.

Kieren shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Rick, you can’t change that and I’m not mad anymore. But I can’t move back there, you know that.” he told him. “‘Sides, you’re already buying me this shit all the time, wouldn’t be right to make you pay for rent for the both of us. Not like you’re making buckets of money here either.”

“Yeah, but I get an employee discount, not like I’m paying much when I spoil you.” Rick smiled at his friend. “I do still like spending time with you, Ren, you know that, just because I... You know...”

The younger man nodded. “I know, Rick. Don’t worry about it, I like spending time with you too.” Kieren smirked, “You should be on board with the job then too. Shop’s only a block down the street. Could come mooch off of you for lunch all the time.” he chuckled.

“If you’re sure you want to work there, then I’d say go for it. Bit of a commute from your new place though, isn’t it?” Rick asked him.

His shoulders shrugged. “Can always take the bus. Not the worst thing in the world.” he reasoned. “Take it when I come visit you anyways.”

“You’ve got all the training you need for it?” Rick asked him, unsure what all was required. “Don’t need to go back and pay for any school or anything, do you?”

Kieren shook his head. “They said all I need to do is a few months of training with them, then some of their clients who are willing to help out will let me kind of practice on them, then I’m all good to go. Get paid from the start though, they said, after I pay back the one thing I need to get before I start there.”

Rick cocked his head curiously. “What have you got to get? Your own equipment our something?”

“A tattoo.”

\---

“Let’s see it then!” Rick told him as soon as he saw Kieren walk into the coffee shop he worked at. It had been Kieren’s first day on the job, meaning he had been shown around the small tattoo parlor, been given a general overview of procedures and equipment, then given a demonstration on his own arm.

Kieren waved him off. “Can’t yet, got to keep the bandage on. I’ll show you later if you want to come back to mine when you get off.” he told him.

After only a quick moment’s thought, Rick agreed. “Do I get to know what you decided to get, at least?” he asked.

A small smirk crept onto Kieren’s face. “Patience is a virtue, Rick.”

Periodically as Rick finished the last of his duties for the day, he would pester Kieren about what he had gotten. He didn’t even know where Kieren had gotten it on his arm, other than somewhere that would be visible to his future clients. Once he finally finished with the dishes, his boss told him he could clock out and go home, a half hour later than he had originally been scheduled.

Kieren gratefully took half of the sandwich that Rick bought for them to split, giving his tomatoes to Rick just as they always did before taking a bite of it. “Christ, slow down...” Kieren couldn’t help but laugh as Rick devoured the food in front of him.

“I’m starving and want to get home.” Rick told him between bites. He was already almost entirely done by the time Kieren was about three bites into it.

Finishing about half of his share, he offered the rest to Rick so immediately shook his head. “Nah, they gave me pizza at work before Jake gave me my tattoo. Said that no one is allowed to get one on an empty stomach, ‘specially not their first.” Kieren told him. “I think they all just wanted to get pizza for them too. But I’m really not that hungry. Thanks though.”

Rick didn’t argue more before taking the rest of it in a few large bites. “Back to yours you said?” Rick clarified as he stood up and began to lead Kieren to where his car was parked.

“If you don’t mind.” Kieren told him. “I’ve got to get this bandage off and it’s best to do it where I can wash this off right away.”

“Could come back to the flat if you want. It’s closer if you’ve really got to clean it up.”

Kieren shook his head. He hadn’t honestly been back there since he had moved out with Rick’s confession. He didn’t even go back to get his things. Jem had taken a train in to get them, packed them with Rick’s help, and returned them to Kieren who proceeded to throw most of them away as a way to try to heal.

Returning to a place that held so much pain in his heart still seemed counterintuitive. He had worked so hard to get back on his feet after all the struggles he went through after the breakup, but going there would open old wounds, he feared. Kieren still would be caught up in a few moments here and there when they were together. Being there wouldn’t help things.

“I’d rather just go to mine. I don’t like riding the bus too late at night alone.” Kieren told him when they got to the car. Rick knew it was a lie, but accepted it.

After arriving at the small flat Kieren now called home, Kieren led Rick inside. “I’ll be right back, going to clean this up, then we can do something, yeah?” he offered.

Rick nodded before taking a seat on the small sofa that had come with the place. He grabbed a book from the small table there, examining the cover before flipping through parts of it, looking at some of the paintings that were highlighted throughout it. He paid extra attention to the ones Kieren had dogeared as his favorites, noting how his loyalties still were with Van Gogh.

He glanced up when he heard footsteps coming from behind him. “Want to watch a movie or something? Don’t have any beer or cider, but it you want some water I can get you some.” Kieren offered.

“I want to see it first!” Rick told him. Kieren laughed, having had purposefully pretended to forget that Rick wanted to see it. “On purpose, wasn’t that? You’re a dick, Ren...” Rick laughed.

Kieren grinned as he gently raised his left shirt sleeve. Rick had instinctively glanced away, not wanting to be reminded of the pain he had caused Kieren that was so obvious when his arm was out for viewing, but Kieren stopped rolling the sleeve, waiting for him to look back. Rick examined the work, trying to decipher some sort of meaning behind the symbol covering the once jagged scar.

“Semicolon? Aren’t thinking of going back for a different major, are you?” Rick asked him, unsure how to respond. He couldn’t think of any significance behind it, other than the fact that the bold black lines hid what had been the lowest moments of Kieren’s young life.

Kieren bit his lip, then nodded. “Semicolons are where the author could have ended a sentence but chose not to.” he told him.

The realization dawned on Rick, suddenly throwing him back to that day just over a year ago.

He and Kieren had moved in together three years prior, having taken off to the city to escape Roarton once Rick had returned from the war. The first night they were there, Rick had a nightmare, a flashback to the war. Kieren had heard him from his room down the hall, and came running in to hold and comfort Rick. They hadn’t slept separately since.

The morning after, Rick woke up to empty arms, the sheets next to him rumpled and the pillow still warm from Kieren’s head. He rolled into the spot, savoring the warmth left behind by his best friend. When he focused more, he saw Kieren was in the bathroom down the hall, splashing his face with water, looking distressed as he looked into the mirror.

“What’s the matter, Ren?” Rick had asked him, stepping out of the bed. He slid on the sweatpants on the floor before walking into the bathroom behind Kieren. “Alright?”

Rick couldn’t remember how exactly it happened. Kieren said something along the lines of “I love you” and Rick responded with the same sentiment, not knowing Kieren meant beyond the feelings of friendship they had shared so long. When Kieren clarified, he couldn’t help but wonder if he felt more for Ren than he had previously thought. When he leaned in to kiss him, he savored the softness of the touch, the soft peach fuzz on Kieren’s cheek under his fingertips.

It was a little more than a year ago when Rick realized he loved Ren, but not in the way a boyfriend should. He had tried so hard to love him, trying for months after the realization that he wasn’t attracted to Kieren as more than a friend who he didn’t mind kissing or holding late at night to feel for him what he knew Kieren felt to him. 

Trying to sleep with Kieren finally broke Rick. Looking at the beautiful naked man, and yes he still thought Kieren was stunning, in front of him, a slightly shy smile on his face as he tugged at Rick’s boxers reduced him to tears. “I can’t, Ren.” he had sobbed before running from the room and locking himself in the bathroom where he emptied the contents of his stomach.

Kieren would discover later that Rick hadn’t been disgusted with his body, nor had he been trying to hurt him. Rick himself hadn’t yet realized that he wasn’t one for sex, nor was he very interested in men. Kieren had fascinated him, still did, but the love he felt was purely that of friendship.

Three days later, Rick had been beating himself up for his idiocy over a beer in the kitchen as he scorched what was supposed to be fish. Kieren had been the one who usually cooked between the two of them. It had been voluntary, Kieren quite enjoyed some house work when he was stuck on art work. He would paint for a time, take a break to make dinner or clean out the pantry, then get back to his easel. Rick had never enjoyed the task of cleaning or cooking.

Just as he was giving up on the idea of cooking, there was a knock on the door. It was anything but rhythmic and varied from a frantic sounding bang to a nearly inaudible knock until Rick opened the door to find Kieren in front of him, pale as a ghost.

“...I need... help...” Kieren swayed as he sobbed. “I don’t have anyone else... I just...” Tears were streaming down his face onto the arm he held cradled to his chest. Rick’s eyes followed the flow to see the pool of blood coming from under Kieren’s sleeve, spilling onto the chest of the shirt of the distraught man. “It wouldn’t stop... I thought I wanted... Rick... I thought...” Kieren sobbed as Rick flew into action, grabbing a clean cloth to wrap Kieren’s wrist with.

He gently hushed the whimper that Kieren emanated when he tied the fabric tightly over the spot before grabbing his keys and swooping Kieren into his arms. He was glad the other man had remained small enough to make the jog to his car bearable. “Christ, Ren...” Rick breathed as he set him into the passenger seat. Without a second thought, he gently kissed Kieren’s forehead before hopping the hood to get to the driver’s side faster.

Rick dialed the hospital on his mobile, warning that they would need a doctor ready the moment he got there. Kieren had curled into himself, crying in pain as he rested his head against Rick. After Rick confirmed with Kieren and told the hospital it was A+ blood they would need, he hung up to focus more on driving and the man next to him. He rubbed his back gently, trying anything to calm him as the hospital came within their sights.

“Rick...” Kieren whispered when they were parking the car. “I don’t... I don’t want to die, Rick... I don’t...” he sobbed.

“I’m not going to let you, Ren.” Rick had promised as medical staff ran out to help them.

Back in the present, Kieren reached a hand out towards Rick’s shoulder, snapping him back to reality. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” he apologized when Rick’s eyes met his, startled for a moment.

Rick shook his head. “Don’t need to apologize, Ren. I’m sorry, I just...” Rick fumbled for words for a moment before shrugging.

“I know.” Kieren whispered before sitting next to Rick, resting his head on his shoulder, closer than a friend would normally be, but they were both willing to admit that an ordinary friendship wasn’t what they shared.

\---

It didn’t take long for Kieren to fall into a routine for the tattoo shop. He would take the same bus each day there, and the way home. The space inbetween was spent doing secretarial work, piercings, and learning about the tattoo guns. The other workers at the shop said he seemed to be a natural, and promised it wouldn’t be long before he was able to actually tattoo someone, but in the mean time, would occasionally add to the canvas his body was slowly becoming.

He would occasionally stop by the coffee shop Rick worked at before heading home, but found himself enjoying the familiarity of the bus he road home. He was able to sketch almost every one of the regulars from memory within a few weeks.

First was the bus driver, a middle aged woman, slightly plump from sitting all day behind the wheel, a friendly smile always plastered on her face. He hadn’t once seen her frown, and even watched her look the other way a time or two when other passengers were a bit short for fare.

Next there were a couple of men who worked at the deli next to the tattoo parlor who stayed mostly to themselves. They seemed disinterested in the happenings of the bus other than what was happening in their conversations. Kieren didn’t mind, considering he himself was just being a wallflower.

A girl in a long poofy skirt usually sat in the seat in front of him. Her name was Amy, and she was perhaps the walking embodiment of sunshine. Everything she did oozed joy and life, even her bouncing walk from the front of the bus towards Kieren. She always greeted him, asked him if there were any new tattoos, then would be content to make any other kind of small talk if Kieren was in a good mood. If not, she would certainly try to fix it.

Lastly, his bus ride home was always accompanied with a man the flower shop next to Kieren’s work. Horrendous jumpers usually covered the man, and a soil stained apron at least part of the jumper. Something about him caught Kieren’s eye, and he made a mental note to remember the day that he had approached him to ask if he had change to pay for a phone after their stop.

Kieren complied, even refusing to take the bill being offered to him in exchange. He wasn’t worried about it at all. He was more worried about seeing the grin on the other man’s face.

“Thanks. Simon, by the way.”


	2. Chapter 2

“How can I help you?” Simon asked a young man who walked into the shop looking nervous, like so many of them did.

Kieren scratched the back of his head. “I work next door. My boss sent me over to see if you could break a couple larger bills for us?” he asked. “Sorry, she just wants to be able to give change, and we don’t really want to have to run to the bank, everyone else is with a customer so I have to handle stuff when people walk in, and--”

Simon chuckled, cutting the other man off. “Yeah, I can do that. Don’t worry.” he smiled. “You’re from PDS, right?” he asked, referencing the tattoo shop, Personal Decal Society as he opened the cash box to break the larger bills Kieren gave him.

“Yeah, just started there a couple months ago.” Kieren told him. “You’re usually on the same bus as me, aren’t you?” he asked, though regretting the question soon after. “Sorry, I’m an artist, I notice patterns and people a lot, and your jumpers usually, well, stand out a bit.” he told him.

Simon gave him a one sided smirk. “Don’t worry, I recognized you too. I don’t have that excuse though.” he paused for a moment, looking out the window. “Looks like you guys have got another customer, better let you be off to help him.”

“Right, thanks.” Kieren replied, taking the money Simon had carefully counted.

“Oh hey, and one more thing...” Simon called just as the door jingled when Kieren opened it. “Can you turn the bass down a bit on your speakers? It rattles the walls every once in a while and drives some of my customers nuts.”

“Sure thing.” Kieren told him, walking back to the shop. He greeted the customer, who happened to be one of their regulars, putting the cash away quickly and turning the music down a notch.

The rest of the day went by like normal, but now Kieren was intrigued by the man next door. He hadn’t really had an opinion of him before, just found him aesthetically appealing to draw, but now he was intrigued. Seeing Simon in his work environment, surrounded by bouquets of flowers he was arranging beautifully made Kieren somehow want to draw him more. By the end of his shift, he had churned out a few basic sketches of the Irishman surrounded by flowers like from the shop. Something about them was incredibly appealing to Kieren.

“Thanks for turning the music down, by the way.” Simon told Kieren when he glanced up to see the blond looking towards him on the bus, seemingly caught in a daydream.

Kieren blushed, dropping his gaze. “Yeah, no problem.” he replied, suddenly fascinated by a snag in his jeans.

An endearing smile crossed Simon’s face as he watched the other’s nervous habits. It suddenly struck him, however, that he didn’t even know the other man. “I don’t think I’ve caught your name, have I?” he asked as the bus slowed for another stop to let people on.

“Kieren.” he returned quickly. “Simon, yeah?” he clarified.

Simon smiled and nodded. “Nice to meet you, Kieren.” he told him politely. “Well, formally, finally, I suppose.” he chuckled.

“You too, Simon.” Kieren returned, a small smile still on his lips. He was certain that Simon had engaged him in conversation because he had caught him drawing him as the bus moved along. “And, uh, sorry, I do it to everyone, not trying to be creepy or anything...” he responded with a blush.

Simon raised a brow, not knowing what the other was talking about. “Sorry for what exactly?”

Kieren’s face lit up even more as he bit his lip. He looked down at his sketchpad in front of him before tucking his pencil behind his ear. “I... Sketch people around me. And I just thought you noticed I was.” he mumbled. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop...” he offered, gaze on the floor.

Simon glanced at the bus around him before standing quickly and gently nudging Kieren to the window seat to sit next to him. “May I see it?” he asked. “Certainly don’t mind, I doubt anyone has ever drawn me before, I’m flattered.”

Wide-eyed and surprised by the sudden proximity, Kieren turned the pad slightly so Simon could see it. “The road is a bit bumpy and I was doing it quick, it’s really not that...”

“Incredible.” Simon breathed, looking at the sheet before him. Staring back at him like a mirror was his likeness, staring wistfully out the bus window, clutching a bouquet of flowers that he had been working on when Kieren walked in. “You’re incredible, Kieren.” he breathed.

\---

Simon tried to get the blond man out of his head most of the next day as he muddled through the slow day. Hardly any customers were coming in, it was too far removed from the holidays but not yet close enough for the sweethearts looking for something to entice them for Valentine’s day.

To fill the hum-drum day, he flipped through receipts of orders that had been popular the last year around Valentine’s. He couldn’t help but sigh at the sheer number of roses. Certainly, they were romantic, but so unoriginal. He prefered the woman who had bought her sweetheart an arrangement of two kinds of orchids, hydrangeas, and a few pink roses, all adorned with leaves. It said that you knew the person who you were buying them for better than going with something so... generic.

Suddenly inspired, he began to make arrangements for different people in his life. There was his mother, bright yellow daisies with red and white carnations, her favorite colors that reflected the joy and warmth that her smile had been. Next, he smiled at bright orange poppies, knowing exactly who they would be for. Amy, the girl from the bus, had just announced that she was leukemia free, and with the awareness ribbon being the same shade, he saw them to be fitting. He tucked a few pale pink roses and white carnations among them as well. He tucked some money into the cash register, deciding to take them with him to give her.

He had always been a bit of a loner. After his mother’s death in an accident from a driver who had been high, his already unstable relationship with his father had grown worse. He had been kicked out before, but it had been his mother to always beckon him back to their home. He no longer saw that there could be any reconciling in the relationship they had never truly had, despite his new-found sobriety.

Julian had been, well, a mistake. He followed him to some sort of religious or spiritual leader, a prophet, he called himself, who told them that they were immaculate as the junkies and addicts they all were. It took him witnessing someone nearly die because of the ridiculous instructions of the false prophet for him to leave the man he thought he had loved. Perhaps he only loved the heroin that Julian had shot into his veins; the cocaine he dusted into his nose. Julian didn’t get a flower arrangement. Neither did the prophet.

Kieren, on the other hand, he wanted to make something for. He knew that he would be too shy to present the other man a bouquet, but he wanted something to have around his shop to remind him of his smile, his eyes, and the golden lashes framing them like a halo. He had never found it difficult to make an arrangement for someone before, but Kieren seemed to be the exception. He pouted for a moment as he admitted defeat when the bell signalling a guest went off.

“Welcome to Undying Love Abloom, I’m-” he began his generic greeting before seeing the costumer who had wandered in. “Oh, hello, Kieren, what can I do for you? Need change again?”

Kieren shook his head, “I’m on my lunch, actually. I was wondering, do you by chance deliver outside of the city?”

“Not often, but exceptions can be made.” Simon told him, trying to ignore the light sting he felt hearing that Kieren was ordering flowers for someone else. He had been stupid to think that Kieren would ever fancy him at all, they had spoken perhaps three dozen words to each other, and yet he had been stupid enough to start to think about him like that. “Who are they for, and where to?” he asked.

“My mate is actually the one wondering. It’s nearly his mum’s birthday, and he can’t exactly go back to Roarton, so he was hoping to deliver something to her.” Kieren told him, somehow missing Simon’s sigh of relief. “I told him I’d ask before he comes over to pick me up after work.”

Simon wanted to ask what kind of mate this was, but bit back his tongue. “Well, Roarton’s not too far, just about what, thirty minutes north? Think we could manage.” he smiled.

Kieren pulled a phone from his pocket, beginning to type. “I’ll let him know, thanks, Simon.” he smiled back. “Shit... I’m off break in a minute, I’ll be back later though, if you’re still working at four!” he called out as he began to jog out of the shop to the next-door parlor.

Sighing, Simon leaned into his hand with his elbow on the counter, not caring how much like a lovesick teenager he looked like at that moment as he grinned after the suddenly important to him Kieren.

\---

Rick felt strange going into the tattoo parlor. He had considered getting one himself a few times, especially to honor his fallen friend from combat, but had chickened out several times. Needles were not exactly Rick’s favorite thing.

It had surprised Rick that Kieren would find a job there in the first place, though it shouldn’t have. He got to share his art this way. That’s all Kieren had ever wanted. What else surprised him was the number of times Kieren willingly went through the procedure of being tattooed to add to the first one he had gotten. Kieren wasn’t someone that Rick would have expected to endure that pain, especially not more than once. Kieren had always been a different kind of strong, though.

“Finally come to get inked, have you?” Kieren asked with a teasing smile. He had been nagging Rick about it for a while, but he didn’t seem to be giving in. When Rick nudged him and stuck out his tongue, Kieren let out a bright laugh. “You’re early, I’ll meet you next door in just a bit, have a couple of scheduling things to do then I’ll be over.” he promised.

“It’s nearly four, and I was off at three.” Rick complained jokingly. “Good thing that I like you for some bloody reason.” he joked before grabbing one of the mints from the counter Kieren was sitting behind. “Thanks, Ren.” he winked, taking his leave to the store next door.

Kieren rushed through the last of his tasks for the day, glad that he had saved the easiest tasks for last so he would be out quickly. It was almost no time before he was grabbing his jacket and saying goodbye for the day to the people who had quickly become some of his best friends. Not that anyone topped his friendship with Rick.

“...Something pink, maybe? It’s my mum, mum’s like pink, yeah?” Kieren walked in to hear Rick asking.

“Your mum’s favorite is purple. Remember? That portrait I did for her back when we were 14? That was her favorite color.” Kieren pointed out, joining into the conversation quickly.

It took Rick just a moment before he remembered the painting. Then it took him just a split second to remember what his father did it after Kieren gave Rick that mix CD. “You’re right Ren. I just tried to forget about that one after my dad when you...” he gave a half shrug in apology.

Kieren nudged him gently with his shoulder as Simon looked on, trying to understand the relationship the two shared. “Sorry, I tried to forget that someone broke my canvas too. I just remember everything I make.”

“Not all of us can be as smart as you, you know.” Rick teased, knocking his shoulder back.

“You’re plenty smart, Rick...” Kieren protested, pouting to him a bit.

Rick laughed. “There’s a reason I didn’t go on to school, Ren. You’re twice as smart as me.”

“That’s just art...”

“Can I get that in writing?” Rick teased, grinning at Kieren. “Kieren Walker says something is ‘just art’, somehow it wasn’t under the influence of someone trained in torture techniques.”

Kieren scrunched his nose, sticking out his tongue. Rick returned the gesture as they pulled faces at each other for a few moments before they heard the soft sound of the Irishman shuffling a few papers behind the counter in front of them, perhaps a little louder than necessary. Rick chuckled when Kieren blushed, turning back to Simon.

“Sorry... This is Rick, my mate from the time we could talk, really, the one I told you about earlier.” Kieren introduced him more formally.

“Talking about me, are you?” Rick asked, looking at Kieren with a quizzical look. “Good things, I hope?”

Kieren shrugged, “Just that you’re a massive arsehole who snores like a jackhammer and can’t cook for shit.” he said as seriously as possible.

Rick rolled his eyes as if this was a regular occurrence. “I hate you, Ren.” he tried to say in a serious tone. “And you’re the one who woke yourself up snoring, not me.” he countered.

A pout crossed Kieren’s face as he batted his eyelashes at Rick. “You don’t hate me...” he jokingly whined. When Rick nodded, he prodded his side. “You love me, dickhead.” he smirked.

The smirk only lasted a moment before the familiar discomfort swept over the two of them at the mention of those feelings. Of course they loved each other like friends should, but they both knew Kieren still felt those stronger feelings that Rick didn’t anymore. Both their faces dropped as they took a small step apart, hardly noticeable unless one was watching.

Sensing the bit of tension, Simon took the opportunity to speak. “Purple, then, you said she liked?” he questioned before grabbing a few blooms and showing them each flower and a few that it looked well with.

Once they selected what they wanted in it and Rick wrote a brief note, careful to ensure that Janet would know it was from him without him signing it so his father wouldn’t know where he and Ren were, Rick began to leave. “Need a ride, Ren?” he offered when he noticed the other man not following him.

Kieren hovered near the counter for a few moments looking as if he was going to choose to go with Rick, but stopped. “Simon, do you mind if I stay here ‘til the usual bus comes?” he asked the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I forgot to leave notes on the last chapter! Sorry about that! This is probably just going to be a short fic to take a brief break from the other series that I promise I am still going to finish and write for all of you guys so long as you're still interested. This is probably going to be between 5 and 8 chapters, but I don't know for sure yet. I hope you all like it, guessing by the kind comments on the first chapter I made a good choice to try my hand at one of these, though honestly I'm going in blind on this one (I never really read a fic with this AU before so this probably won't be exactly like the other ones for better or for worse). Thanks as always for reading, you guys are awesome :)


	3. Chapter 3

Simon look curiously at the younger man who still stood in front of him, eyes cast downward. He watched as his had reached towards a few flowers that were nearest him. His fingertips gently brushed along the soft petals as he inhaled deeply, a slight tremble in his hands. Simon frowned, about to reach out and ask if he was ok when Kieren asked in a shaky voice if there was a bathroom he could use.

Technically, it was an employee only restroom, but Simon judged that there was no harm in letting him use it. He lead Kieren silently to the door in the back room before going back to the front. He kept glancing towards the clock, waiting for Kieren to come back. Technically, he was supposed to be closing the shop and getting ready to go home, but he didn’t want to embarrass Kieren by telling him that they had to leave to catch the bus they both usually took.

Eventually, two minutes before the bus was scheduled to arrive, Simon slowly walked towards the small bathroom. He raised a fist to knock on the door before he heard a soft noise on the other side of the door. Not unfamiliar with crying behind locked doors himself, Simon felt a twinge of sadness when he spoke.

“Kieren, are you alright?” he asked softly on the other side of the door, forgoing the knocking, hoping that he wouldn’t startle Kieren that way.

He heard a sniffle and water begin to run before Kieren spoke. “I’m fine, sorry, I’ll be out in a minute...” he said quietly.

“Kieren...” Simon said softly again when he was taking a while. He didn’t say it to rush him, rather, concern filled his voice. He waited, hearing the tap shut off, and another shaking breath be released. “Kieren, can I step in?” he asked gently.

No response was to be heard from beyond the door for a moment before Simon heard a soft click when the door was unlocked. He watched the knob slowly turn before the door too crept open. Kieren stood on the other side of the door, eyes surrounded with redness from tears, and sniffling a bit with his eyes downcast.

“Kieren?” Simon asked, wholly unsure of what to do in response to the obviously distraught man in front of him.

Before he could stumble over more words, Kieren was leaning into his arms, resting his head on his chest as he cried into Simon’s jumper. Simon was almost startled at first by the sudden contact, but soon was wrapping gentle arms around him, rubbing Kieren’s back as he encompassed every inch of Kieren he could in a calming embrace. He gently rocked Kieren, the way his mum used to rock him even as a heroine-addicted adult when his dreams haunted him for nights on end, or he slipped into the blackness that drove his binges.

“Thank you.” He heard Kieren mutter as he began to pull away from slowly. A slightly perplexed look crossed his face as he saw Simon looking back at him as he held him still within arms length, a look of concerned reverence on his face. “I’m sorry, I just freaked out, I’ll leave now.” he told him, shaking his head.

“We all do sometimes.” Simon assured him, putting a hand on his shoulder before dropping both of his arms to cross them.

Kieren’s eyes flashed from the ground up to meet Simon’s blue eyes staring at him. “What do you freak out about like that?” he asked, convinced that no one would act like he did.

Simon looked at the other for a moment before slowly sliding down the door frame of bathroom, sitting down. “If you want to know, I’d take a seat. Might take a while.” Kieren’s eyes flashed around a bit, uncertain. “Don’t have to, but you do know you aren’t the only one who feels like that, don’t you?”

Kieren looked at him, begging, “Over something so stupid?” he asked, self loathing pumping through his veins.

“If you feel strongly about something, it’s never stupid, Kieren.” Simon told the pacing man from his spot on the floor. “I can’t stand driving. Don’t think I’ll ever drive a car again. All because I was able to drive a car when my mum died. Few days after, I was driving my dad and I to see someone about the funeral arrangements.. I broke down, nearly got the both of us killed because I couldn’t see clearly.”

“She was hit by a car driven by someone who was on a lot of drugs. A lot of the same ones that I was on.” Simon continued, staring straight forward. “Could have been me, hell, I hardly remember that night, not an inch of me was sober, and all I remember is that high just... Tumbling down over me and collapsing and how I swore I’d never do them again, but fuck, Kieren, I was shooting up again two days later.” Simon shook his head.

Kieren had ceased his pacing as he listened to Simon talk. As the Irishman finished, he sat across from him, his knees pulled up to his chin. “What were you on?” Kieren asked him.

“A through Z of the periodic table.” Simon told him, somehow able to maintain eye contact as he spoke. “Ever been so depressed it felt like every nerve-ending in your body was exposed, red and raw? If I took enough chemicals, it would dampen down those feelings a bit.”

Clearly, Simon had struck a chord with Kieren. The younger man’s countenance washed over with understanding of how Simon had felt in his darkest of times. “How do you get past it?” he eventually asked.

Simon shrugged. “Talking helps. Don’t know if I can say I’m past it yet, but I promise it does help.”

“Do you still...?” Kieren asked quietly.

Simon shook his head. “I’m sober. Have been almost a year.” he said before silence washed over them. Simon broke it as he gently asked, “So you and Rick have a... history?”

Kieren looked to the ground, searching for words to describe what he and Rick once were. Eventually, he took a deep breath, and began. “We were best mates growing up. Bloody inseparable. Nights that he wasn’t over at my house, I was probably at his until we were 14. I made him a mix CD and his dad didn’t like that, so I got kicked out of their house and we weren’t supposed to see each other any more.”

“We still met up, of course, just in this little cave just outside of Roarton.” Kieren told him. “When he was just about 18, his dad caught onto us, figuring out that we had been meeting up, and that we both at least kind of liked each other, even though neither of us really knew how to act on it, being from a small conservative village and everything. He was off to Preston for basic training the next day.”

“Never thought I’d make it with him gone off to Afghanistan. Guess you could call it lucky that he got caught up in something and got medically discharged, but at the time...” Kieren involuntarily shivered as he recalled how long he thought Rick was simply going to die without him being able to even say goodbye. “When he got back to Roarton, neither of us really cared that we were out in the middle of town the first time we ran into each other, he just hugged me and we caught up. Somehow his dad found out, told Rick that he could pick between having a roof over his head or talking to me. Rick decided to come here to try to get away from his dad, and I followed, meaning to go to art school.”

“I got here and did take some classes, but rent was too much and I couldn’t afford the credits anymore so I dropped out, just selling what I could to help pay rent because I couldn’t find work and Rick was paying for so much of it from a coffee shop salary, hardly enough for the two bedroom flat we started out in.” Kieren drew in a deep breath before releasing it shakily. “I told him one night how I felt about him, finally put it into words, and we were together since then until last year...” Kieren paused, wiping at his eyes.

When the silence seemed to be lasting longer, Simon shifted a bit to reach the tissue box on the shelf to his right. “You don’t have to continue, Kieren.” Simon told him gently, offering him the box.

Kieren sniffed, wiping his nose, cursing the way it ran when he cried. “No, it’s fine...” he replied, trying to compose himself.

“Sure?” Simon asked.

Kieren nodded before taking a calming breath. “I thought we were happy, nearly two years, but then one day he just... He told me he wasn’t... Couldn’t be...” he shook his head as he succumbed to more tears. “Shit, I’m sorry...” he squeaked out, grabbing more tissues from the box.

It didn’t take long for Simon to shift to Kieren’s side, an arm wrapping around Kieren’s shoulders as he gently pulled him in. “It’s alright.” he breathed.

Kieren stared straight ahead, letting the hand that was running soothingly up and down his arm calm him down before he finished. “He told me he wasn’t attracted to me like that, and then everything turned to shit. Life was shit without him. There was nothing left for me.” he recalled. “I nearly killed myself, I was hardly coherent when I got to his door begging him to bring me to the hospital...” Kieren shook his head. “It took us a while, but we’re friends again, but I just... I still love him, and most of the time I swear he feels the same, then something stupid happens and I realize what an idiot I am.”

Simon shook his head. “You’re not an idiot for having feelings for someone, Kieren.” Simon assured. “I dated my dealer for years before I realized I was only in love with the drugs. Still, was hard to quit both of them.”

Kieren shifted his head off of Simon’s shoulder, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. “Thank you, Simon.” he sniffled. “Shit, I’m sorry...” he mumbled, brushing at Simon’s shoulder when he saw the small damp spot he had left behind with his tears.

Simon looked down at the spot and shrugged it off. “Don’t worry about it. Won’t even see it in a minute.” he smiled warmly. “Shall we try to catch the next bus?” he offered, rubbing Kieren’s arm fondly.

Kieren hesitated just a moment before nodding. Simon squeezed his shoulder before taking his hand to pull both of them up a once. Their eyes locked for a moment, a crooked smile on Simon’s face as he tried to coax another smile from Kieren’s lips. After he looked at him with puppy dog eyes for a bit, a small smile flashed across his face.

“You good now?” Simon asked him before either could take a step. He didn’t want Kieren to do anything or be alone if he was still as distraught as earlier. “Promise?” he probed when Kieren nodded.

“Yeah. But I think we missed the last bus for another two hours...” Kieren sighed. “I don’t have cash for a cab.” he groaned as Simon slipped past him to grab a shirt not so covered in dirt and “I’ll just walk over to the coffee shop and sit there until... the bus...” Kieren felt his voice drift off as Simon walked back, his jumper being pulled over his head. Kieren caught himself wondering how a florist of all people had such muscular arms.

“Nonsense, I’ve got money for a cab, it’s no problem.” Simon told him as he reached up and changed his shirt in front of Kieren. “You get off the same stop as me, don’t you? I can walk from your place back to mine, it’s no trouble.”

Kieren’s face was still scrunched in perplexion. “How many jumpers do you have?” he asked, earning a hearty laugh from the other man, a contagious one that spread to him rather simply.

\---

“You’ve seriously only lived three buildings down this whole time and I never knew?” Simon laughed when Kieren told him his address. “If you’re that close, come, stay at mine and have dinner. No need for both of us to eat alone.” he offered.

Kieren tried to turn him down, feeling bad enough that Simon was paying for the cab already, but he was overruled. He found himself glad, however, by the time they were preparing spaghetti together that he had agreed. He knew that had be been alone tonight, things may not have ended so well. He never would have been laughing with, leaning into someone even, as they tried to get noodles to stick to the ceiling.

“Throw it harder!” Simon encouraged when Kieren’s noodles kept ricocheting off of the ceiling.

“Cook them more!” he countered, dodging one that almost landed on his face. Instead, he soon felt Simon grabbing it off of his shoulder.

Simon laughed, “My cooking is fantastic, you just can’t throw.” he raised a brow in challenge.

Retaliation in mind, Kieren grabbed a stray noodle from the countertop and tossed it at Simon, hitting him in the face before slowly sliding down his scrunched nose. “See, I can throw.” Kieren smirked until he had the same noodle thrown at him.

Once they called a truce and actually sat to eat, a comfortable silence washed over them. Simon had put some music on in the background, some artist Kieren had never heard of, Keaton Henson quietly playing around them. 

Kieren looked around the area as he ate, observing what Simon had displayed in his small flat. Some religious stuff was displayed, coated in dust on one end of the apartment. There was only one photograph in the house, obviously worn from not being framed for some time. A plump woman stood with a younger looking Simon, positively radiating happiness from the frame as Simon smiled timidly back at the camera. Kieren assumed it was one of the only things Simon had left of his mum.

A blush crossed Kieren’s cheeks when he noticed that Simon had been watching him look at the photograph. Simon couldn’t be upset, not only had he invited him over, but the blush that was now spreading to his ears was perhaps the most endearing sight he had beheld that day. He silently cursed himself for the way he was starting to feel about Kieren, but he couldn’t help it with the way that he looked like an angel who had lost his wings.

When the meal was finished, Simon started to grab the dinnerware, but Kieren insisted on carrying his own back to be washed. “So, you’re feeling better now?” he asked him as he took his load to put in the dishwasher.

“Yeah, I am. Thank you.” Kieren replied, walking over to the small sitting room and taking a spot on the loveseat. When Simon joined him moments later, he looked at him skeptically. “I’m planning on moving once I have the money, will help fix things. I don’t think it’ll get much better here.”

Simon cocked his head. “You have people here who care about you. No matter how they do, they still do.” he told him. “You have Rick, you have Amy...” he paused a moment before reaching out and gently putting a hand on Kieren’s. “You have me.”

Kieren’s heart fluttered as the blush that had been on his cheeks just minutes ago returned. “I should probably go home...” he muttered, biting his lip.

Simon nodded, standing up before offering Kieren a hand in standing himself. “I’ll walk you home, it’s dark out.”

“Florist walking a tattoo artist home... No one saw that one coming.” Kieren laughed as he tugged his hands into his sleeves against the cool wind. Simon offered him his jumper, but he refused knowing that Simon didn’t have much underneath it. “That’s my door.” he motioned with his hand still in his sleeve when they drew closer.

Simon couldn’t help but watch the motions of the younger man as he fumbled with his keys to open the door. He bit back a chuckle when Kieren swore under his breath when he struggled with the lock momentarily.

When he opened the door, there was a note from Rick on the floor in front of him. He didn’t need to bend over to inspect it to know that it was from him, the scrawl was just the right size in the front. He looked from it, then back to Simon, contemplating just a moment. Before the Irishman knew what was happening, his jumper was being tugged by Kieren as he pressed his lips to his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was kind of all over the place but I wanted a little heart to heart then going back and Kieren realizing that he could b happy with someone other than Rick (hence looking at the letter and thinking just a moment before kissing Simon) so I just kind of combined it all into one. Don't worry though, there is more to come with this one, I won't put a for sure on this but I think this is actually going to end up around 8 chapters.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for taking so long to get this up! But without further ado, here is the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it and the wait was worth it :)

Kieren pulled away, panting for breath as he realized what he had just done. With wide eyes, he looked at Simon for some kind of response. Had he gone too far to assume Simon was interested in him? Had he been stupid enough to assume someone who wasn’t interested in men was interested in him again?

Simon’s expression was filled with wonder as he looked at the beautiful man in front of him. Certainly he hadn’t just been kissed by someone as incredible as him? And the look on Kieren’s face... Had he been the one to initiate the kiss against Kieren’s will? Did he misinterpret the actions of the younger man?

“I’m sorry...” Kieren murmured as he walked away into his flat more, distress written on his face. He had misread Simon’s expression for shock, perhaps even mixed with a tinge of disgust.

Simon’s face suddenly filled with confusion as he watched Kieren turn into a room. “Kieren...” Simon called quietly as he walked towards where he had disappeared to. He found him sitting on the edge of a small mattress tucked in the corner of the room, his head in his hands. “Kieren, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you...”

An exasperated sigh escaped Kieren’s lips as he looked at Simon, begging what he could have done wrong. “It’s not your fault, I was the idiot who kissed you first. Doesn’t matter, you’re straight, you’re not interested, I understand, I shouldn-”

A small gasp escaped Kieren’s lips when he felt the other man’s suddenly against his against. The sigh turned into a soft moan as the kiss deepened, Simon leaning more into Kieren from where he had sat next to him. Kieren was helping shrink the gap by pulling him closer and closer until Simon was on top of him, pressing his back to the mattress. Fingers ran through Simon’s hair as he tried to quiet a pleased nose involuntarily coming from the back of his throat.

Desperate for breath, Simon pulled back, staring into the chocolatey brown eyes underneath him with an expression filled with a reverence of sort. He smiled in awe of the man beneath him.

When he saw the hint of hesitation in Kieren’s eyes, he was quick to give the other more space. “You alright? With all... this?” he asked, still trying to breathe properly.

“I just... I...” Kieren began, shaking his head. “I still have feelings for him and I just...” he told Simon in a shaky voice.

“It’s alright, Kieren.” Simon told him, sitting up next to him. “Don’t have to apologize.”

Kieren sat up next to Simon, sighing. “I shouldn’t have done that though.” he insisted.

“No.” Simon said simply, turning Kieren’s head to meet his eyes. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you for stopping me, Kieren. I don’t want anything that you aren’t up for, I promise you that.” he smiled softly when Kieren nodded. “I should be off, then. Good night, Kieren.” Simon told him, leaning in to press a gentle kiss against his lips. When he pulled away, he looked into Kieren’s eyes, searching for a reaction.

His face flushed, Kieren bit his lip, thinking. Eventually, he nodded. “Good night, Simon.” he replied, standing to walk him to the door.

“I can see myself out.” Simon assured him before he fully stood.

Kieren smiled up at him. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you.” he returned with a smile on his face.

Kieren heard the door shut after Simon told him it would be locked behind him before he settled completely into his small bad. The next purchase he would make would have to be the rest of a bed set, or at least something to elevate it off of the ground. Unfortunately, the money wasn’t coming in the way he had hoped. The job at the parlor certainly helped though.

He laid back down, letting the faint scent of earth and some kind of unfamiliar cologne fill his nostrils as the lingering scent of Simon hovered in his bedroom. He fell asleep the scent of the other men in his breath, and the taste of him in his mouth.

\---

Bad days came from time to time. There was no controlling it. There was just the hint of an itch in his wrist, a dullness in his heart, and little motivation to get out of bed, much less work on days like that. However, he knew he had to catch the bus and get to work in order to pay for rent and groceries.

Still, sometimes when he saw the checks coming in, he got tempted. Without a thought, he calculated how much he could get with the extra leftover from rent and food. They were getting bigger the more he worked which was a lot lately. He eyed the jar he kept on the top of his refrigerator every day, thinking how he could just dip into it a little to get rid of that nagging.

Of course, being a mostly recovered addict, Simon knew that getting rid of the nagging wasn’t that easy. It had been so long since the drugs had been in his veins, but the rush he got on them had never left his unconscious mind. When those thoughts drifted into his consciousness, he had to try to remind himself that there were reasons that he had stopped.

Kieren’s presence helped a bit. The young man had entered his life so randomly, and thrown him for such a loop. Simon had never expected to feel so changed by a random tattoo artist from the store next door. He didn’t even like tattoos, but he caught himself looking at Kieren’s skin whenever they were together on the bus and marveling at the peeks into the other’s soul he got from from the ink that was artistically laid upon it. His warm brown eyes and charming smile helped as well.

They hadn’t spent any time alone since the evening that they had spent together. Simon didn’t have the courage to bring it up, and Kieren worried that the other had regrets. Still, as Simon felt his finger tremble slightly in hopes of finding another fix, the thought of Kieren kept him from actively seeking it. He’d catch glances of him walking from the tattoo shop to wherever he went for lunch, and even get flashes of a smile if they both happened to look up at the same time. Simon wondered if Kieren watched for him as much as he did.

When Monday came around, one of Kieren’s days off that Simon worked, he was feeling particularly self loathing. He hadn’t slept much the night before. He never did on the anniversary of his mother’s death. His day started out with a customer who was trying to blame him for a failed romantic exploit due to the flowers he had been sold. Simon wanted to suggest that it was due to the fact that the man was an arsehole, but bit back his tongue.

Not much got better when he saw that one of the orders of the more popular flowers they sold hadn’t fared well. They weren’t the worst, a little disease had obviously infected some of them, and others weren’t fully blooming, but they were bad enough that he didn’t want to sell them, though he knew he would have to in order to turn a profit.

As he was sighing and trying to mix the poor batch in with the ones that looked much healthier to try to hide their flaws, he heard the bell ring. He found himself trying hard to find a way to sound cheery when he gave his usual greeting, but the customer beat him to it.

“I need help for a tattoo design...” a familiar voice told him.

Simon turned to see his favorite strawberry blond artist standing there in a thick sweater and scarf with not-quite-skinny-enough-jeans that were haphazardly shoved into combat boots, a well worn sketchbook held in his mitten-clad hands. He shivered slightly, obviously cold from his trip in before walking over to the counter where Simon was working at, setting his outerwear down before paging through his sketches to find the one he had been working on.

Simon felt a smile creep onto his lips as he watched the other frown in concentration while looking. “I thought today was your day off, why are you working?” Simon asked him.

At that, Kieren raised a brow. “Have my schedule memorized, do you?” he laughed as he finally found the right spot. A slight blush rose on Simon’s face, but Kieren shrugged it off. “I’m working on something for a friend... I’m not done training on the guns yet, but Amy, you know, from our bus, wants me to design and give her her first one as my first one... I’m nervous.” he admitted.

Simon peered over at the drawing in front of him. “You shouldn’t be... You’re incredible, Kieren...” he breathed in admiration

It was Kieren’s time to blush. “I just need to know colors for the flowers... It wouldn’t be Amy if it wasn’t colorful, and I need at least most of them to be orange. I need to draw completely different ones, don’t I? I know nothing about flowers...” he groaned.

He spent the rest of the afternoon in the shop with Simon, working on the tattoo design. He had one of Amy’s favorite quotes (“Do not go gentle into that good night, rage rage against the dying of the light”) written in a loopy script with flowers interspersed throughout the words and the date she had entered remission. The base for most of the colors was an orange tone for the awareness ribbon, but he added some whites and pinks to it for a variation with the color pencils he had brought along with him.

Simon watched Kieren as much as possible, providing flowers for examples as needed, but Kieren was a natural. He admired the way he worked, a look of pure concentration on his face. He had spent much of the afternoon biting back laughter from seeing Kieren’s tongue out to the side as he focused on getting a line just right when he drew the design for what seemed like the thousandth time. Simon admired how dedicated he was to making it perfect for Amy. He wished he could do something so incredible for the girl they had both befriended at different times.

He felt almost guilty when it was time to close and he had to disturb the other man. “Kieren, it’s closing.” he told him, jolting the artist from his work. Simon smirked a bit at the way Kieren almost jumped, having been so engrossed by the pages he almost forgot he was with him. “Say, would you like to get a bite to eat? I’m starving, and I’ll pay, don’t worry about it.”

Kieren looked up bashfully, meeting the other’s eyes. “Are you asking me on a date?” he tried to tease, though there was a certain hopeful glint in his eyes.

Simon raised a brow. “I don’t know, maybe I am.” He countered.

“Well, say you are... The answer would be yes, I’d love to.”

\---

Simon hadn’t imagined at the beginning of the day he would be smiling the way he was with Kieren as they argued about their respective jobs playfully. They were in a crowded restaurant, waiting for an open table, bickering about tattoos.

“Fine, fine, it’s not that I don’t like them, I do quite like yours, I just... I don’t think I’d want one.” Simon told him, throwing his hands up in defeat.

Kieren grinned mischieviously. “I’m taking that as a challenge.” he told him. “If I ever come up with something so perfect for you, even if it does have to do with your stupid flowers...” Kieren teased, sticking his tongue out briefly when Simon’s nose scrunched at his comment, “Then you have to get it done.” he insisted as a server came up to seat them.

“I’m sorry, I’ll have someone over to wipe this down for you...” she apologized as they sat down, referencing the still somewhat messy table. Really, it was just a few crumbs, but both men smiled in appreciation.

When she took her leave, Simon sighed in agreement. “Fine, if you figure something out that I agree is totally perfect, I will. But it has to have my stupid flowers in it.” he mimicked, earning a snort from Kieren.

“Pinkie promise.” Kieren demanded, putting his elbow onto the table and raising his pinky finger.

This time it was Simon who snorted. “What are we, six?” he asked, earning a stern look from the man opposite of him. He smirked, raising his elbow to the table and interlocking his finger with Kieren’s. “Pinky promise...” he rolled his eyes playfully.

Neither dropped their hands for a moment, just looking at each other from the opposite sides of their hands. As if a secret signal had been given, they each leaned in and were soon gently kissing, fingers still held between them.

The soft sound of someone clearing their throat made the both of them pull away slightly. Kieren was biting his lip as his face flushed, embarrassed to have been caught even though he knew he was in public, and Simon found himself struggling to look up and meet the eyes of whoever had approached them.

“Sorry, I’m just here to wipe your table, I didn’t mean to-” the voice of the other man faltered for a second as he recognized who sat in front of him. “...Ren?” Rick asked, voice wavering as he tried to comprehend what was happening in front of him. He had ended things, he knew he had been right to, but it didn’t stop the sudden pain he felt in his chest seeing the other man with Kieren... His Ren, no matter what had become of the two of them.

“Rick...” Kieren called out when he dropped the rag and turned tail to the worker’s only area, leaving him with a pool of guilt in his stomach and Simon in front of him looking at him sympathetically and giving him a nod to follow after his friend.


	5. Chapter 5

“Sir, this is employees only, do you need directions to the restroom?” Kieren was asked as he reached towards the door Rick had just disappeared behind. “Sir!” she insisted when he kept moving.

Kieren stopped, turning back to her. “Rick. I need to talk to Rick. Please.” He tried not to snap as he told her frantically, trying to see past the window to find where he may have gone.

She looked at him scrutinizingly, recognizing him as one of the customers that had clearly been at the restaurant on a date. She didn’t know much about Rick, who had only just started working there as a second job, but was naturally defensive of him. She liked him when he interviewed and he seemed like a great guy. If he was upset, which he seemed to be when he had entered the kitchen, and this man was chasing after him... There must have been more going on between them.

“Why?” she asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Kieren sighed, exasperated. “Please? I need to talk to him!” Kieren insisted.

Sadie, as her nametag read, bit her lip for a moment before nodding. “IF...” she emphasized, holding a finger out in a warning. “If he wants to talk to you. Otherwise, you have to go back to your table and leave him be the rest of his shift or leave my cafe.” she told him sternly.

Rick was standing, hands on either side of a sink in the back, breathing heavily with his eyes closed. Sadie placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump back in surprise. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” she told him.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I just got light headed, I’ll be back out there in a minute, I know we’re understaffed.” Rick told her.

“You can take however much time you need, Rick.” Sadie to him. “There’s a guy who said he wanted to talk to you, I didn’t get a name...” her voice trailed off.

“Ren?” Rick questioned, looking up at his boss. “Reddish blond hair, big brown eyes, longest eyelashes you could imagine, wearing a gray hoodie and red pants? ‘Bout this tall?” Rick asked quickly, holding a hand to almost precisely where Kieren would stand in comparison to him.

Sadie nodded, noting the way Rick looked hopeful and yet defeated at the same time. “Are you two...” her voice trailed off, unsure how to ask. Rick wouldn’t look up to meet her gaze, so she rubbed the back of her neck. “Don’t matter. I told him to eff off if you didn’t want to see him. Do you want me to tell him you’re in the mood for seeing him?” she offered.

Hesitating for a moment, eventually Rick shook his head. “Can I have just... Two minutes with him?” he asked uncertainly.

She gave him a gentle smile, “Of course you can. We’re getting by just fine, the rush has died down and Jenny can handle it for now.”

“Thank you.” he responded, taking a deep breath. He nodded in response to the encouraging smile that Sadie gave him before stepping past her, wiping his hands on the apron tied around his front. He looked out the small window on the door to see Kieren pacing. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before pushing the door open and getting his attention. “Ren?”

Kieren turned back towards the door instantly, attention snapping towards Rick’s voice. “Rick...” he started, obviously confused himself. “I didn’t know you worked here.” he tried to begin, defending his actions as if he inherently shouldn’t have done them. There was still a guilt there, knowing that he had hurt Rick in any way.

“Just started couple of weeks ago.” Rick muttered, scratching his head. “Needed more for rent, harder to pay with just one in that place.”

Biting his lip, Kieren looked down to the floor. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize...”

Shrugging his shoulders, Rick stopped the other. “‘T’s fine, don’t worry about it. Rent went up is all, coffee shop by itself wasn’t cutting it. Just work here a few nights a week, picked up Saturday mornings at the coffee shop, I manage.”

“Could get a cheaper place, couldn’t you?” Kieren asked, not sure what else to say. They seemed to be avoiding the elephant in the room who was sitting four tables away in an oversized jumper and tapping his fingers on his glass of water.

“Don’t want to leave the old place, something seems wrong about leaving.” he admitted. “Don’t you feel I don’t know, weird about being somewhere else, after that long in our flat?” His eyes flashed towards Simon briefly, but just long enough for Kieren to realize that it wasn’t exactly the flat they were talking about.

In turn, Kieren looked towards the Irishman in a brief acknowledgement. They were still on the same terms mentally, able to tell what the other was thinking in a way that most other people couldn’t. “The new place is nice. It’s not like...” he sighed, unable to keep up the analogy. “I’m sorry if I upset you, Rick, I didn’t know you were here. Swear. I wouldn’t do that to anyone, you know that.”

Rick pressed his lips together, nodding. The smallest pools of tears just barely came into view on Rick’s lower lash line. “Sorry, I don’t know what...” Rick shook his head, putting a fist in front of his mouth, not sure how to continue.

Before figuring out what to say, Kieren’s arms were around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. Rick shook almost undetectably in Kieren’s arms as he fought back the tears that inevitably spilled, just slightly, onto Kieren’s shoulder that his head was buried in. Kieren quietly hushed him, not knowing how else to respond.

Seeing the two of them, Sadie walked towards the kitchen again after having spoken with a few customers to take orders. She put a hand on Rick’s back, getting on her tip toes to be able to speak near his ear. “You can take off, Rick. Look like you could use the night off.” she said sympathetically. “Come on, just put your apron away and I’ll clock you out.” she insisted after he shook his head in a weak protest.

Once he was a few steps inside of the kitchen, the gentle woman turned stern instantaneously. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but whatever you’ve done to upset him, fix it.” she told him before turning tail and following him.

Kieren sighed, leaning against the wall to wait before remembering Simon. Simon who he was on a date with. Simon who he now had to stand up. He looked towards him from the corner of his eye, clocking the way he smiled faintly as soon as he noticed his gaze shift towards him.

Cursing himself, he walked towards the table. “Simon...” he began.

“Leaving with him?” Simon asked him, trying to sound nonchalant.

“I’m sorry-”

“It’s fine... He’s your mate.” Simon told him, standing up. “Was nice spending the day with you, Kieren.”

Kieren’s shoulders dropped, still feeling awful. “Let me pay for your cab and a meal at least...” he offered, reaching for his money, but Simon shook him off.

“An old friend just walked in, I’ll just join him.” he assured Kieren who was glancing back to see Rick about to emerge from the kitchen.

“See you around?”

“Yeah, sure.” Simon replied courteously before the two walked opposite directions. “Julian, how are you?”

\---

When they had reached Rick’s car, Kieren gently held out his hands for the keys. Rick stared back at him for a moment before giving him a slight nod and getting in the passenger seat. They drove in silence almost the entire way, each thinking too much about what they were going to say. In the silence, Rick watched all of Kieren’s movements, seeing his hand twitch in hesitation towards his turn signal as they neared the turn off for Rick’s flat before continuing straight.

“You really can’t go there, can you?” Rick asked him sadly, but a new found kind of understanding in his voice.

Fingers drumming on the steering wheel, Kieren shrugged. “All I can think of in that place is that night when you... You told me you didn’t...” he shook his head. “I just prefer other places is all.”

They resumed their silence when Rick only nodded in response. Guilt stole any words that Rick wanted to say to try to bring some kind of comfort to Kieren. He wanted to apologize for breaking his heart, for sending him into the spiraling depression he was still working on every day, for interrupting his date, and for thinking he felt something for him again.

Kieren stopped the car in the front of his building, returning the keys to Rick before getting out and letting both of them in to the small flat. Wordlessly, Rick hovered in the entry area as Kieren went to the refrigerator, grabbing a few beers before looking at Rick questioningly. He set them both on the island before sitting at one of the stools he had there.

Rick joined him, quickly opening and taking a large drink of his beer. As Kieren slowly sipped his own, he watched as Rick quickly finished the first one before reaching for a second. “Should slow down, Rick...” Kieren cautioned when he saw Rick was further into his second than he was into his first.

“Right.” Rick replied, setting the bottle down. He stared down at his hands folded in front of him on the countertop, biting at his lip. When he heard Kieren set his own bottle down however, he glanced up towards him.

A cautious smile crept to Kieren’s lips for a moment before falling again at Rick’s lack of response. “What happened? You were upset. I thought...”

Scoffing quietly, Rick shook his head. “You thought I would just not care about seeing you with someone else?” he asked in earnest. “Ren, I’ll always have feelings for you. I just...” he hesitated as he struggled for words.

“You’re the one who ended it, Rick.” Kieren interjected. He tried to sound confident in his standing up for himself, though his voice wavered. “You did, not me.”

“It’s not just that, Ren.” Rick sighed, trying to decide what to say. Kieren looked at him intently. Stalling for time, Rick finished the last of his drink. After setting the empty bottle down, Rick sighed. “I don’t just not feel anything for you, Ren...”

“I know, Rick, it’s not like I don’t either.” Kieren admitted, offering another bottle to Rick. “But that doesn’t mean neither of us can move on.” he gently asserted as Rick opened the bottle.

“It still... It didn’t feel like how you’re supposed to feel when you see your mate... With someone.” Rick tried to articulate. “I... It hurt, Ren. It felt like all the air just ran out of my lungs and I just... I know we aren’t like that Ren, but it felt like I caught you cheating.”

Kieren nodded solemnly. “I’m not saying it will be easy the first time I see you with anyone else, Rick, but we aren’t together anymore, and Simon makes me happy. I want you to be happy for me being happy.”

“How can I be?” Rick asked quietly. “I still love you, Ren. Can’t see myself with anyone but you even if I’m not...” His voice trailed as he succumbed to silent tears.

Kieren too felt tears fall from his lashes to his cheek bones with Rick’s confession. “I still have feelings for you too, Rick, I just...” he tried to speak before shaking his head at a loss for words. “Please don’t cry.” he gently said, reaching out and brushing tears from Rick’s eyes with his thumb.

Rick’s eyes met his as his hand still softly touched his face. Kieren gave a soft smile before wrapping his arms around Rick and holding him in a comforting embrace. He wasn’t quite sure which of them was being comforted. It was truly both of them probably.

The moments blurred together in Kieren’s mind, unable to decipher exactly what happened in them. The next thing he knew, however, was the familiar touch of Rick’s lips to his. Rick wasn’t as gentle with the kiss as Simon had been, but nor was he violent about it. Kieren, dazed, held himself still, his body neither resisting nor complying with Rick’s actions.

He felt the desperation grow in the kiss as Rick’s lips implored for his to join his. He eventually did move them slowly, encouraging Rick whose lips twitched into a vague smile as he continued to savor Kieren’s touch.

Time had felt like it was racing but had stopped at all the same time. Kieren didn’t know how he felt about Rick, but he knew how much he had missed these moments with him, the way they felt together. He would always love Rick, but he didn’t know what kind of love it was. He didn’t feel like what he was doing was inherently wrong though, either.

Suddenly, he stopped moving, his body going rigid. Simon. He was with Simon, wasn’t he? At the very least, they had been on a date, and Simon made him feel... Something. Something good. He turned his face, hands finding Rick’s chest and pushing off of it.

“No, Rick.” Kieren said firmly, turning away from him when he tried to move in to him again. 

A confused look crossed Rick’s face as he comprehended what had happened. There Ren was, crying softly in front of him because he had pushed him... He had gone too far. He shouldn’t have done that, and he immediately regretted it. “Ren, I’m sorry, I just... I’m sorry.”

Kieren wiped at his nose with his sleeve, nodding. “It’s fine, I just don’t feel like that anymore, Rick. I’m with Simon.” he quietly responded. He looked up at Rick through his lashes in time to see his face contort briefly into a pained grimace. “I’m sorry.”

Rick coughed, trying to clear his voice to speak normally. “You are? Properly together?” he asked hesitantly. Kieren bit his lip, indicating some uncertainty in his gesture. “Does he make you happy, Ren?” Kieren was motionless for a moment, gaging how Rick’s eyes moved in reaction to his own question. Eventually, however, Kieren nodded. “Alright. I’m glad, Ren. You deserve to be happy.” he tried to say convincingly. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Kieren happy, but somehow, he wished that they could learn to be happy together.

“You deserve to be happy too, Rick.” Kieren told him sincerely. “I just think we both know that that’s not with the two of us together.”

\---

Julian was someone Simon would have normally avoided. Hell, he knew he probably should have avoided him. When Kieren left him to be with Simon, however, he thought it was almost fate that the other man would have walked in. They started talking and even though Simon was fighting the nagging voice in his head telling him to tell Julian off the instant he smelled the marijuana on him, he remained there.

It was fate again, perhaps, that Julian’s planned dinner partner seemingly abandoned him as well. Though neither made anything official, they did sit together, catching up a bit. Julian had been Simon’s best friend at the commune that he had spent so long at. He tried to remember why, but the cocktails of drugs he had taken blurred his memory as he spoke with Julian.

He had been off most of the hard stuff for a few months, just taking a bit of softer stuff to take the edge off. Simon understood that. The idea was tempting, but he tried to ignore it. Julian was a dangerous person for him to be with, but it was better to be alone with someone than alone with himself.

“Simon, can we go somewhere a bit more private, you think?” Julian asked after their meal was complete and their conversation had faded. “Have a place around here? I haven’t even gotten a hotel room yet, else I’d invite you back there instead of inviting myself.”

Simon thought for a moment before shaking his head. “No, don’t worry about a room. I’ve got room at my flat, you’re welcome to stay there tonight.”

Julian grinned mischievously at the offer. “Then shall we go somewhere a little more interesting first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to get up. Long story short I'm going through some stuff at the moment and it has made writing difficult. I tried my best but this is probably shit. I just really wanted to get this out there for you guys because you've all been so lovely and patient and so kind with all of your words. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

Drinking had never been Simon’s vice. It had sometimes lead to a few stronger intoxicants, but he was never a true alcoholic. He hadn’t done much of it, especially not since getting off of the drugs he had been on. Julian didn’t have anything that wasn’t his vice, it seemed. He looked better than he had in the past though. Simon noted how he must have been off most of the hard stuff. It was a start.

“Loosen up, Monroe!” Julian laughed over the music as he took a long drag of the cigarette Simon had been holding. “Things’ll kill you, you know.” he teased when Simon rolled his eyes and reclaimed it between his own lips.

“Everything you do seems to run a higher risk than this, Julian.” Simon pointed out after exhaling a ring of smoke. “I think I’ll take this one last addiction over all the other shit.”

Julian smirked. “You’re just showing off.” he accused, batting at the ring to disperse it. “I’m going to grab a coupl’a beers, and you’re having one with me.” he told him, disappearing before Simon could make a protest.

Taking advantage of the time that it would take for Julian to get back, Simon pulled out his phone before realizing that he hadn’t gotten Kieren’s number. He wracked his brain, trying to remember if he had caught anything, an email address, or any possible way of reaching him. He just wanted to know that everything was alright.

Cursing himself for not getting Kieren’s number, he remembered how close Amy and Kieren seemed. If she was having him design a tattoo for her on his day off, certainly she had his number. He was suddenly glad that the poor girl had slipped him her number in an attempt of gaining a date with him before she knew that he wasn’t exactly interested. He found her contact and punched in ‘Amy, it’s Simon. Do you have Kieren’s number?’.

As he was setting his phone on the table, Julian returned with their drinks in his hand. “I’m not one to drink, Jul. I’ve been completely clean. I don’t care what you do, but I don’t do any of that shit any more.” he told him.

“The Prophet would be disappointed to know how you felt about this, Simon. There’s nothing wrong with seeking a little release. Doesn’t hurt anyone.” Julian told his friend.

Simon visibly cringed at the mention of ‘The Prophet’ he had mistakenly idolized for those years of his life. “A-”

“Don’t say his name!” Julian hissed, looking around as if everyone in the room was listening to their conversation. “You of all people know he likes to be private.”

Simon’s jaw shook in anger. He suddenly remembered why he and Julian had stopped getting along. Julian himself was jealous of the relationship Simon had shared with the false prophet. Unbeknownst to Julian, Simon would have gladly let him take his place, looking back. “You of all people know that I am through with his sermons.”

“Can’t’ve expected him with everyone-”

“It wasn’t that, Julian, it was all of it.” Simon interrupted. “And it was once, Jul. You know you would have too, given the chance. Don’t bother lying to me.”

They stared each other down for a moment before Julian sighed. “Can we be civil? I didn’t come here to fight with you, Si.” he told him. Simon’s face twitched in slight disdain at the nickname he had never truly liked before he sighed and nodded. “Have a drink with me? Just one beer, Simon. One.”

Simon looked at his pleading acquaintance, thinking. “One, for old time’s sake.” he eventually nodded, taking the open bottle from Julian’s outstretched hand and clinking it against Julian’s glass.

“Cheers.” the both smiled before taking a drink of the bitter drink.

\---

Communication had never been either of Kieren or Rick’s strong suits. Kieren was always shy, a quiet boy at heart. He opened up more to Rick than anyone else other than perhaps Jem, but still, it was hard for him to talk about certain things.

Harder still was for Rick to open up to Kieren. He had been a loud person most of his life, confidence, though rarely arrogance, pumping through his veins since he had known Kieren. It had been half of his appeal when Kieren had first met him and felt the first twinge of a crush. But covered by that outward appearance was fear. Fear of his father, of the fact that what his father feared about him was true, but that it wasn’t what he thought it was. 

He never really felt the attraction towards anyone that most people did. He couldn’t bring himself to. Not even to Kieren who he loved. God, had he loved Ren. None of that had been faked. He just didn’t know how to put into words what he had felt, and it had almost cost Ren his life. he would never forgive himself for that.

Talking would help, he reminded himself, as he sat in the living room with Kieren, Netflix playing some old shitty movie they had loved as kids. He and Kieren had cleared the air about their relationship and where they stood now, but still his heart skipped as Kieren leaned against him as he laughed at something on the screen. He needed to tell Kieren that he was wrong. He hadn’t fallen out of love with Kieren. He couldn’t do anything about what was wrong with him.

“Hey, Ren?” he eventually asked in a scratchy voice.

Kieren turned his head up towards Rick, pausing the movie. He met Rick’s gaze as he waited expectantly for him to continue. Rick’s lips moved, but words wouldn’t come out as he tried to say something-- anything-- to make it ok.

“It’s fine, Rick.” Kieren told him gently when he didn’t think the other would ever find his voice. He leaned lightly against him, reaching to restart the movie. He was surprised when he suddenly felt Rick’s hand grabbing his wrist.

“I don’t like anyone like that, Ren.” he told him. “I swear it.”

Kieren gave him a puzzled look. “You don’t have to tell me that, Rick. I know you’re not with anyone, and even if you were I wouldn’t mind.” Kieren replied.

Rick shook his head as tears welled up in his eyes. “No... There’s something wrong with me, Ren. There’s something wrong...” he covered his mouth with a fist to bite down on his finger, hoping that would somehow stop the shaking he was doing.

“Rick...” Kieren breathed, pulling him closer. He ran a hand through Rick’s hair gently as he cried into his shoulder. He waited for a few moments to pass and the worse of the tears to pass before speaking in a hushed tone. “Why do you think something’s wrong, Rick?”

Rick sniffed, sitting up. “I’ve never... Ren, it’s not just you. I don’t... I don’t want anyone the way I’m supposed to... All I fucking want is this. I don’t want the rest of that shit, I know I should, Ren, and I wish I did because I know I should have with you, Christ, I wish I would have, but Ren, I just don’t. Not for you, not for anyone else and I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.” He shook more with tears. “What the fuck is wrong with me, Ren?” he implored, vulnerability clear in his voice as his eyes plead for understanding.

Kieren reached out and gently wiped at the corner of Rick’s eye. As he pulled his thumb away with a big tear pooled on it, he spoke calmly. “Rick, are you ace?”

Confusion was clear on Rick’s face as he looked at Kieren. “Am I what?” he asked, a quiver of fear in his voice.

“Ace.” Kieren repeated. “Asexual. Like... Someone who is ace doesn’t feel sexual attraction to people. Like, they don’t really want sex.” Kieren tried to explain. “They can feel like all the other stuff though, like loving another person or even being aromantic too... Like it’s all possible.”

“There’s a name for it?” Rick questioned, a wave of realization hitting him. His expression softened to one filled with relief. “There’s actually a name for it.” he almost laughed, a grin spreading across his face as he wiped at his eyes.

Kieren returned the smile. They looked at each other for a moment before Rick threw his arms around Kieren. “Course there is, mate...” he assured when he noticed that Rick was again crying. Luckily, this time they seemed to be of the joyful variety.

Clinging to Kieren still, Rick sobbed, “I thought I was the only one, Ren. I never thought...”

Shaking his head, Kieren gently made Rick look at him. “It’s completely normal, Rick. Promise. You are no where near alone.”

“Thank you, Ren.” he genuinely said. “Thank you so much.”

\---

One beer became three, which became a whiskey, and then some vodka. Simon lost track at some point as he chased Julian around, laughing at the way that he somehow was making the world spin around him. Christ, he hadn’t just let go in so long.

Before he knew it, they were piling into a cab back to his apartment. They were laughing at something. Simon wasn’t exactly sure what. Julian was just being so funny. He hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. He could kind of remember why he and Julian had once been so close. It hadn’t been just the drugs they did together, he did genuinely enjoy his company on occasion.

The laughing fit continued until they drove past where Kieren’s flat was. Unmistakable was the truck still out in front of it. Intoxicated as he was, Simon still knew what had happened. Kieren had started the night with him but was spending the night with another man. The same man that he had been ditched for in the restaurant. Of course. He should have expected that. Someone like Kieren and someone like him... It never would have worked.

Julian seemed to note the sudden mood change of his friend, tugging at his sleeve when the taxi came to a stop by Simon’s flat. “Come on, I know just what will cheer you up...”

\---

A noise outside of Amy’s bungalow woke her up somewhat suddenly. Her damn neighbor’s dog was at it again, barking and crying for attention in the middle of the night. Not like she was recovering from an awful disease or anything.

“Oi, shut it!” she called from her window before shutting it and trying to fall back asleep.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it felt like hours of lying awake before she was resigned to the fact that she simply wouldn’t be getting much sleep that night. Giving up, she reached out for her phone where it sat on her bedside table charging.

She scrolled past a few notifications before noticing that one was a text message from someone... Who had she put in as “S” with a heart and flower emoji? Her half asleep mind tried to comprehend what she had meant. It dawned on her that it was from Simon, the florist who she had without a doubt developed a slight crush on.

Reading through the message, she thought a moment. He had asked for someone else’s number. While she didn’t think Kieren would mind, it was her policy to ask permission first before giving out someone’s number or personal information of any kind.

She composed a message for ‘Morgeous BFF’, typing: ‘Simon wants your number, can I send it to him?’ before she hit send. It scared her when a few minutes later her notification sound went off with a message reading ‘Sure.’

Going to reply to Simon’s original text, Kieren added, ‘Amy it’s 3am why are you awake?’. She laughed, forgetting about the message meant for Simon.

‘Could ask you the same thing, dumb dumb!’ she shot back. ‘Need my beauty sleep, unlike some morgeous boy I know, so I’m going to be going for now. Good night Kieren Walker’ she added once the notification below her previous message said that he had read it.

‘Good night, Amy.’ Kieren responded, though Amy had again nodded off before reading it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you all for reading this and all the kind words I am getting. You guys are being so patient with my sporadic updates and I do apologize for that. Thanks for bearing with me though, I hope you guys are all still enjoying it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm warning all of you in advance that I don't know much about tattoos or the process of becoming properly certified to use one of the guns. Please pretend that this works.

The soft sound of snoring woke Kieren up. He rubbed at his eyes, confused, as he sat up. Underneath where his head had been was Rick’s chest, rhythmically moving up and down with his sleeping breaths. Kieren smirked and rolled his eyes, contemplating pinching his friend’s nose to stop his snores.

Deciding that Rick really needed his sleep, Kieren slid himself out of bed silently. He knew perfectly well he wouldn’t get any more sleep that night. After stretching, he went to the corner where his art supplies were piled. He grabbed a canvas and some of his favorite paints before slipping from the room and shutting the door behind him.

He checked his phone which he had left on the counter, seeing that he didn’t have any messages. Admittedly disappointed that Simon hadn’t texted him, he thought for a moment about texting Amy. It was still so early though, and she was more in need of sleep than he was, so he decided to leave her be. 

Since he didn’t have Simon’s number, he started to decide how he could make it up to him. He truly did feel awful for ditching their date (was it a date? Kieren should have figured that out) but knew at the time it was more important for him to make sure that Rick was ok. He just hoped that Simon would understand.

Even though the Irishman’s flat was nearby, Kieren was uncertain if he would be able to figure out which was his easily. There hadn’t been anything distinguishing on the door nor a vehicle parked out front that Kieren knew to be Simon’s. Not wanting to knock door to door until finding the object of his affections, he decided to wait until he knew they would see each other at work. It was only a few hours before they each started their shifts. In fact, it was just enough time for Kieren to quickly do something...

Before he thought much about it, his hands were doing the work. Hastily, his brush made quick blossoms, some indistinct from others as he simply filled the bottom portion with a variety of colors of flowers. He made the horizon a soft pastel sunrise, rolling hills of the blooms meeting the sky. He was finishing it when he heard Rick grumbling as he shuffled out the bedroom.

Kieren couldn’t help but chuckle when he heard Rick mutter something about how Kieren was crazy for not even starting some coffee if he had gotten up so early. He waited silently for Rick to enter the room, gratefully taking the cup Rick evidently brewed for him.

“What you working on?” Rick asked after a few sips of his drink. Kieren tilted the canvas around for his friend to view. Rick’s jaw almost hit the ground. “A landscape? Kieren fucking Walker painted a landscape?” he teased.

Kieren frowned. “It’s awful, isn’t it?” he asked, looking at the small canvas disappointed.

Rick’s head quickly shook. “No, no Ren it’s phenomenal. You just never do anything besides those portraits, it seems.” he explained himself. “What made you decide to do one of these?” he asked.

“Who, would be a better question.” Kieren replied, biting his lip. He didn’t want to upset Rick again, but he knew that he shouldn’t lie either.

“Oh.” Rick said simply. He stood, going towards the kitchen silently. Kieren was just about to follow him out there when he heard Rick coming back, and saw two bowls of cereal in his hands. “Really like him, don’t you, Ren?” Rick asked, something between jealousy, sadness, and curiosity in his voice.

Holding Rick’s gaze carefully, Kieren nodded. “I think I do.”

“I hope he’s good to you. Deserve it.” Rick told him. When Kieren looked at him skeptically, he did his best to smile and assure the other man. “Really do, Ren.”

Kieren returned a quick smiled before finishing the last details of the quick painting. “I’m going to give it to him today... To make up for ditching him last night.” he tried to say nonchalantly. Inside, he was freaking out at the idea of giving Simon something so... Intimate.

“Anyone should be honored to get a genuine Walker painting.” Rick told him with a smile. “I’m sorry I ruined your, uh, date, by the way.” he bashfully added.

Kieren shrugged. “It’s not like I’m not going to see him at work later.” he tried to brush off Rick’s comment, but he knew his well enough to know that Kieren was internally freaking out about the entire ordeal. It truly was a fear of his that he had completely ruined any chances he had with Simon, but he thought he was doing something more important by being with Rick. He wasn’t sure.

Rick nodded. “Speaking of, my shift starts soon, I should get going... Borrowed a jumper if you don’t mind. Think this one was mine to begin with.” Rick half chuckled, looking down at the shirt he wore. “Want a ride, Ren?”

“Yeah, sure.” Kieren agreed, starting to walk towards his bedroom. “Just have to change and grab my phone, I’ll be right back.” he told Rick.

Quickly gathering his clothes for the day, Kieren turned his phone screen on. He frowned when he didn’t have any messages from Simon. Why had Amy asked if Simon could have his number if Simon didn’t actually want to contact him? He pulled the black tattoo shop shirt over his head as he opened the conversation that he and Amy had the previous night. Next were a pair of maroon jeans and combat boots he shoved his feet into before walking out, thumbs tapping at his screen.

‘Hey, why did Simon want my number? He never texted me, just wondering’ he typed before hitting send.

“Ready then?” Rick asked him once he put his phone away into his pocket.

Reaching for a jacket, Kieren nodded. He felt his phone vibrate, but ignored it for a moment when he had a sudden thought. “Hang on a second...” he told Rick as he was about to shut his own apartment door. Reemerging with the new canvas in hand, he nodded. “Now I’m good.”

A small smile crossed Rick’s face. “He’ll love it, Ren.” He assured, knowing Kieren well enough to be able to soothe his current concern.

A blush crossed Kieren’s face as he trudged along to Rick’s truck. He carefully put the small canvas down in it before crawling in himself. “Am I that obvious?” he asked, almost chuckling.

Rick shrugged as he got into the driver’s side. “I know you, Ren. You’re my best mate.” he told him casually starting the ignition. “If he doesn’t, then he’s a prick and doesn’t deserve you in the first place.” he told him.

Face red, Kieren reached for his phone. “Thanks, Rick.” he mumbled as he looked at the screen. “We’re sorry but the number you’ve tried to reach has been disconnected...” he looked around, confused by the message. He had just been texting Amy yesterday.

“Whose number?” Rick asked as he drove. “Did he give you a wrong number or something, Ren?”

“No, no...” Kieren responded, opening Instagram and searching beautiful-genius, Amy’s handle. “It was Amy...” he further continued his thought as the screen loaded pictures. “She shattered her phone last night and had to buy a new one apparently...” he half spoke to Rick, half to himself as he copied the new number she listed down.

‘Amy, it’s Kieren’ he sent. As soon as he received a read notification, he added, ‘Can I ask why Simon asked for my number?’

‘He likes you, dumb-dumb!’ Amy responded as if it was the easiest thing in the world. ‘What are you two up to today then?’

‘Amy, I work...’ Kieren reminded her. ‘And he never texted me. I think he’s mad. Can you give me his number so I can text him?’

‘Lost all my contacts... I’m not friends with him on any internet stuff so idk how to get you two to eventually meet up’.

 

‘I should catch him at work in just a bit. Thanks though, Amy.’ Kieren concluded the conversation as Rick slowed in front of the tattoo shop.

“Thanks for the lift, Rick.” Kieren smiled before stepping out. 

It was well before his shift started, he had a good half hour before he would normally even show up, so he chalked it as a good day, time wise. He knew that Simon usually started a little bit before he did at the flower shop, so he decided to take advantage of the milder than average weather and sit outside until he could track down the Irishman.

The artist in him, he soon pulled out his sketch pad and a few pencils. He traced out different flowers he had seen Simon make arrangements with. Ones he was sure he was making up. He didn’t care. He couldn’t get those damn flowers (or a certain florist) out of his mind.

There were fields of poppies exploding from his pencil as carnations leapt forward from the creased edge of his sketchpad. Lilacs so real that they could nearly be smelled from the crisp pages of the book were soon added to the mix. A beautiful rose, it’s petals opening slightly occupied the next space. A moment of inspiration from his favorite artist, Kieren was soon recreating van Gogh’s sunflowers from memory. 

Completely submersed in his sketches, he realized how close he was to his shift starting as one of the girls from the shop called out a good morning to him. He must have somehow missed the other man walking in. Kieren needed to see Simon, and he needed to as soon as possible. Picking up his supplies and nearing the door, he was surprised to see that it was still locked and no one was inside. Simon never ran late. He opened the shop and took great pride in it typically. Where could the Irishman be today?

He reasoned that he probably had missed the bus. Kieren had certainly almost done it a few times, so he understood how it could happen. It was still strange though how Simon who had always seemed to be the type of person to be almost overly responsible would be suddenly AWOL from work. Shrugging it off, he walked to his own building, deciding that since he had been sitting outside of work for about a half hour, it would be a bit strange if he were to walk in late.

“Kieren Walker!” Amy excitedly squealed as she watched her friend walked in. “I hope my BFF is ready to ink me up today...” she exclaimed, holding out one of the tattoo guns that one of his coworkers had clearly given to her to look at as she waited.

“Amy, I don’t think I can...” Kieren began, looking towards his manager. She only smiled and nodded to him. “You’re sure?” He clarified with her.

“You’ve been doing great, and your friend has been pretty persuasive on getting it today, done by you.” Misty shrugged, a smile on her face. “I’ll be there with you just in case but I’m absolutely certain it will go fantastically.” she assured, smiling at the both of them.

“And you’re sure, Amy? You don’t want someone who is more experienced to...” Kieren asked his best friend.

“Of course, dumb-dumb!” she told him, reaching for his hand. “Now tell me where to go!”

\---

Two hours and a story of how Amy broke her phone and had to purchase a new one before coming later, Amy was walking out with the very first tattoo Kieren ever gave. He found himself having to tell himself to focus a few times as he had worked on the flowers as his mind drifted just slightly as a certain Irishman who was probably next door by now. Misty had seemingly noticed that as he worked and cleared her throat slightly, but didn’t need to make any sort of fuss about it.

Amy was beaming the whole time she was looking in the mirror at the work. Once she had arranged herself into her usual clothes again, she kept looking like she wanted to peek at the new art on her rib cage. She threw her arms around a smiling Kieren, as Misty looked on, a smile breaking across her face.

“How much will that be total then?” Amy asked once they were at the front desk.

“Kieren, why don’t you take your break now, I can finish here, you know all about the desk stuff and we won’t have anyone else besides maybe a walk in or two that Jase can handle.” Misty told him before pulling out a calculator and crunching a few numbers.

He gave Amy’s hand a quick squeeze before leaving the shop to see the one who had been distracting him so much. He prayed that he would understand what had happened because he didn’t want to mess things up with Simon. He didn’t know why, but he was sure that he really liked him. There was nothing he cared about more in that very moment than reconciling with him.

Pushing the door open, Kieren was greeted with the familiar scent of fresh blooms. “I am so sorry about what happened, I brought you something to make up for it, I’m sorry, it’s awful but-” he began before actually looking at the counter and seeing a middle-aged woman working behind it. “I’m sorry, where’s Simon?”

“Hell if I know!” she replied exasperated. “I’m supposed to be working our downtown shop, the one that gets real business, but then I find out that he didn’t show up so I have to come in, fill in for him, and try to track his Irish arse down!” she fumed. “I told Maggie not to hire the drug addict type, this was inevitable and I’ve told her since day one!”

\---

Simon’s eyes fluttered open slowly. They felt glued shut, his lids too heavy to fully open. His mouth was dry as cotton, and no sound came out when he tried to speak. He coughed dryly, reaching for the glass of water he always kept on his night stand. He downed it before realizing just how awful his head hurt.

Vision still blurred, Simon tried to stand before feeling shaking in his muscles. He tried to shake his head to rid himself of it, but the wave of pain that shot through his head was enough to send him stumbling back into the bed. Dizziness seemed to be accompanying the headache, and nausea quickly followed as he without much warning emptied the contents of his stomach. What had he done last night?

Kieren. He remembered Kieren. Then something happened... Kieren left with someone else. It was important though. He was fine with that, he understood. He found someone though... He was talking to some other guy he knew... Julian?

Julian. Shit. Simon suddenly understood what he was feeling. He remembered the first time he had done Julian’s ‘Blue Oblivion’ as he called it and how the hangover was such an awful thing to go through. How all of the symptoms he was having now fit the concoction Julian would mix up for special occasions.

Realization dawned on Simon. If he had a hangover, that meant at some point in the night he had taken the drug. Aptly named, however, it sent the user into a state of oblivion that they wouldn’t remember, especially not the morning after. He had without a doubt, however, used again.

Guilt surged over his whole body as he realized he had for some reason done it. He never meant to. He felt like such a failure. Tears pricked his eyes when he did an examination of his arms to see two fresh marks on his veins. He couldn’t have done that. He had been clean. He had failed. He failed everyone. He failed Kieren. He failed himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long to get up. I've been going through some personal stuff lately and have been in a major downswing of my depression so I've had almost no energy or motivation lately. I really tried my best to do this chapter justice but I don't know if it's that great. I wrote it in so many different sittings and only did a rather cursory proof read of it. I hope that you all enjoy it however, and thanks for putting up with the major tardiness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter and only did a really really brief reread (briefer than usual, and usual isn't very thorough so sorry...) of it so I apologize for any mistakes. I'll try to comb over it some time soon, I just wanted to post it this weekend.

Simon’s absence burned in Kieren’s veins. Every inch of Kieren’s skin crawled with guilt, feeling as if he was somehow responsible for the Irishman’s disappearance. Amy was the only person he knew that would have had his number, but with the destruction of her previous phone, she lost his contact information. It was against company policy for the employee now working the desk of ULA to give him his number, but she did tell him that ‘the damn junkie’ wasn’t answering his phone and that he was probably ‘in the gutter somewhere not even aware that he’s breathing’. Kieren cringed at her words and decided not to visit her any more.

It would have been one thing if he knew of any other cause for the Irishman’s absence. He knew it was extreme to assume that him ditching him on one date would be enough to completely drive him from the area. He simply didn’t know enough about the Irishman to know what possibly happened. He just wanted to know what would drive the sudden flight. He seemed to have a knack for disappearing.

Rick tried to keep Kieren’s mind off of things, assuring him that it wasn’t his fault. Amy had gone off on an extended holiday to see old friends, so she wasn’t even aware of the other man’s absence. Kieren didn’t know how to tell her about it either.

He checked Simon’s apartment each day that he passed it, hoping to see some sort of movement behind the curtains, or even for a tell-tale sign of the light being on. He hoped to find a note or something on the door explaining why he was gone, but there was nothing. He had truly gone without a trace.

It took Kieren a week to be able to pick up a brush again. He somehow felt almost as awful as when Rick had left for the military. It terrified both him and his best friend when he was acting like that again. Of course, Rick hadn’t realized how bad it had truly gotten when he was gone. A resurgence of guilt hit him upon the realization of what someone Kieren had barely known leaving did to the fragile boy. Luckily this time around, he was stronger. Just enough to get by, at least.

Traces of Simon found their way into Kieren’s life in everything he worked on. He became a bit of a specialist of doing flower tattoos, and was painting flowery scenes almost as frequently as he painted his usual portraits. When he did paint a person, it wasn’t uncommon for a floral crown to adorn their head or a bouquet to be held in their hands. He even did a few of people, mostly Amy, sprawled in a field of flowers.

The sketches he did before a painting all had a familiar curve to their jaws. The same pair of eyes seemed to find their way on each of them. He tried his hardest to try to avoid it, but it seemed that no matter what his intentions were, they all had a characteristic of Simon’s. He got Rick to sit for what felt like hundreds of sketches to simply try to get the other’s countenance at least disguised with another person’s, but each time he finished, Rick was almost nowhere to be seen in the portait.

“Ren, come on, can’t keep beating yourself up like this.” Rick told him one day as they sat together in Kieren’s livingroom. “He probably wasn’t going to be sticking around town much longer and just couldn’t tell you because you left and he forgot. It wasn’t you, mate.” he tried to convince him. He wished he could come up with a better reason.

Kieren shook his head. “He had a job here, Rick, and they said just out of the blue he stopped coming. And that was the day after...”

Rick sighed, knowing that Kieren was right. “Still, you can’t blame yourself. There’s got to be a reasonable explanation.” he tried to tell him. He just wanted his friend to feel better.

“Yeah, it’s that I was an idiot and didn’t go talk to him after or anything and he probably hates me.” Kieren snapped. He angrily swiped at his cheeks where tears were beginning to cluster yet again.

“Stop beating yourself up, Ren. Please.” Rick begged, handing Kieren a tissue. “It’s more my fault than yours if that’s really the reason, and you know it. Be mad at me, not yourself.”

“It’s not your fault, Rick...” Kieren told him, tears coming more freely as he leaned into Rick’s shoulder.

“Then how can you say it’s yours?” Rick asked gently, resting his cheek in Kieren’s hair and gently kissing his forehead.

\---

“You had one relapse in how long, Simon? Don’t you realize how fantastic that is?” The doctor assured him as Simon begged to stay in the hospital. He needed to stay somewhere that he couldn’t use again. God, he could never use again.

“But what if I do use again?” Simon asked frantically. “I can’t go back to that.”

“Simon, as soon as you realized you had used, what did you do?”

Simon frowned. “I packed my bags and ran.”

“But where did you go immediately?”

“Here.” he mumbled.

The doctor nodded. “Simon, you’re ready. You are the model patient. There’s nothing wrong with what you’ve done. So you made a mistake. We all do. I trust that if you do again, you’ll do precisely what you did just now.” she assured. “If all of my addiction patients were like you, I wouldn’t have much to do. If you need me, you can call, but I promise that you’ll be fine.”

Simon hung his head, resigned to the doctor’s word. “Ok.” he said softly, shoulders slumped in defeat. He said goodbye to his month long stay at the addiction clinic.

It was strange knowing that he would be heading back to the apartment he had called home since his first stint of sobriety began. He just hoped that this time, it would stick for good. He sat in the train to take him there, pondering what sort of greeting he would get. He hadn’t worked up the courage to call his employer until two weeks ago to apologize for his absence and beg for a job when he returned. While she had been disappointed, the sweet old woman who had started the small chain of flower shops years ago had agreed to let him begin to work again.

He tried not to think about Kieren. He didn’t want to think about how much he must hate him for just leaving. He couldn’t find his number from anyone, and for some reason Amy hadn’t given him his number to try to make an apology. Maybe Kieren had simply hated him so much that he had wanted Rick to bail him out. He had only approached him that day for Amy’s benefit, had he not?

Maybe Kieren had forgotten about him. He had probably gotten back together with Rick that night that he made yet another biggest mistake of his life. He probably was right to. He wouldn’t be good for someone like Kieren. Kieren needed someone who could be happy, and strong, and love him. The only thing Simon thought he could do was possibly love him. He didn’t even know if he could do that. 

Even if by some miracle Kieren would forgive him, Simon didn’t think he deserved even a fraction of his compassion. He couldn’t taint Kieren. He was a poison who the other man should avoid like fire.

The train pulled into the platform, and Simon begrudgingly got off. He stood at the station for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do. He found a payphone and called a cab to bring him back to his apartment. There was no one waiting for him the first time he left the rehab clinic, why would anyone wait this time?

Small talk was never Simon’s thing. The cabbie seemed to pick up on that after he had been in the car for less than two minutes. He wasn’t complaining about it, however. He wasn’t in much of a talking mood.

Silence greeted him at his apartment as he walked in, somehow surprised that nothing had changed. His favorite book of poetry still lay open on the end table, dirty dishes adorning the counter next to the dishwasher that he hadn’t even unloaded the last time he cleaned dishes. He swallowed, trying not to let himself drown in self-induced misery the moment he walked into the room he had shared such a lovely night with Kieren in such a short time before.

To stop himself from thinking, Simon put himself to work. He unloaded the dishwasher, reloading it with the dishes he had so carelessly let mold on the countertop. As they went through their cycle of cleaning, he opened his refrigerator and cabinets, trying not to draw a parallel between the wasted food he was forced to throw out and the waste that was his life.

It was still the middle of the afternoon. Almost everyone was working or at school in his apartment complex, so no one was around to see him stepping out to throw his trash into the dumpster. Even though it was Kieren’s usual day off, he too was no where to be seen. Simon supposed he was grateful for that. The longer he could go without seeing Kieren the better. He wouldn’t know what to say to him or how to make things right. If he simply stopped existing in the other man’s world, that would probably be for the best.

His clothes were unpacked next, laid out on his bed as he pondered a moment. Then he did something he hadn’t done in a long time. He dropped to his knees and prayed. He prayed for forgiveness, for guidance, and for a sign that something would get better. He had to know something could change. Simon had never felt such a desperation and intense need for something from a higher power, even when he was the good Irish Catholic boy in church every Sunday, fearing God every other day. He didn’t want a God to be feared though at that moment. He wanted a God who understood.

Finally, he rose from his knees, something changed in him. He hadn’t even realized how much time had passed as a quick glance at the window showed the setting sun. Swallowing, Simon found a new resolve and began grabbing everything he owned, filling first his suitcase, then any other container he could find. He packed late into the night, every light in his apartment on as he searched for every item that he needed to take with him.

\---

Rick had dragged Kieren to some small band performance at some bar Kieren had never even heard of. He had hoped to lift Kieren’s spirits, which may have worked if he hadn’t’ve walked in to hear Keaton Henson’s 10am Gare du Nord playing as the man himself sang into the microphone. Simon had put that exact record on the night that he had eaten with him. Trying to forget him seemed to only make remembering him easier.

Still, Kieren did try to relax. The music was nice, though definitely not Rick’s scene. Kieren helped entertain him by taking some shots with him. Rick had lucked out in the tolerance department, easily having more shots than Kieren thought he could handle in a week. By the end of the night, Kieren was laughing and smiling in a way that he hadn’t for a while. The night with Rick seemed to be exactly what the doctor had ordered.

It was late when Kieren got home, a bit tipsy from his and Rick’s drinking. For the first time in a month, he forgot to check to see if the light in Simon’s apartment was on. It was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting close to the end, everyone! There is either one longer chapter or two shorter ones left. Thanks for everyone who has stuck around and left all the kind comments! You guys are all awesome and I definitely wouldn't be writing this stuff without you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone even starts this, let me apologize for taking so long to post. I wanted to fit a lot into this chapter. It is loner than usual, by about 1000 words, not that that excuses taking so long to write. i've just been super busy. Again I'm sorry, and I hope you all still enjoy!

Returning to work was a strange thing for Simon. The disappointed and disapproving look that the woman who had taken over for him--he was sure he was supposed to know her, know her name at least, though he didn’t-- was an unwelcoming sight to begin his day with. She lectured him about responsibility, yada yada yada. Like he hadn’t heard it before.

Eventually, however, she left, telling him that she had more important things to do than run his store when her store had been short staffed in his absence. He really didn’t think it made that much of a difference. Obviously being gone wasn’t ideal, but there were always tons of temp workers at any flower shop around Valentines day. He was sure that they had gotten along just fine.

The thought of that day caused mixed feelings to arise in Simon’s thoughts. It had been a good day for him. He had started the morning not feeling any of the cravings he had each of the previous days. He made it through the day without any sweats or terrible tremors. There was one thing he couldn’t get through the day without, however.

Kieren had been on his mind the whole day. He tried not to picture Kieren out with anyone else, but he knew it probably had happened. Kieren was too good looking not to have a date. It was probably Rick, if fate was truly as cruel as Simon felt it was. If not, however, Kieren had certainly found someone wonderful to go out with. Simon hoped deep down that something had gone wrong, not horribly wrong, but just enough wrong that Kieren hadn’t seen this other person again. That Kieren was waiting for Simon to come back and sweep him off his feet.

He almost laughed at his own ridiculousness. A man like Kieren waiting for a man like Simon was the most unrealistic fairytale ending that would never happen. He probably hated him. He certainly had the right to. It would be fitting, considering how much Simon hated himself enough to go around.

From his perch at the flower shop counter, Simon looked at the shop next door. If Kieren’s schedule was still the same, he’d be taking break shortly. Maybe he’d peek in and see Simon and care enough to say hello. Probably not, but Simon could hope.

Twenty minutes went by, and Simon’s shoulders sank. No sign of Kieren, certainly not Kieren who was looking for Simon. He was disheartened as he returned to more focused work, trying to decipher the cursive scrawl of an old woman. Who even wrote like that anymore? Simon only did when he was signing his name, and that didn’t have to be legible. This was just irritating.

He figured out what each written order was, and began to arrange the flowers needed. He eventually turned his back to the door, understanding that facing the street was only distracting him as he prayed for Kieren to show up, just so he’d know he was fine.

\---

“You’re late for your break, sunshine.” Misty poked her head into Kieren’s work space. “Get out of here before your next appointment comes, we all know you can’t function without that mid-afternoon cup of coffee.” she teased, snapping her gum.

Kieren looked up from his work, surprised. He had been working on the possible design and had somehow totally forgotten to take his break. He set his things aside, waving goodbye to his coworkers who had quickly become good friends of his before grabbing his jacket and leaving.

“Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look...” he repeated under his breath as he passed the doors of the flower shop. For the first time in a long time he didn’t so much as glance into the glass, not even to acknowledge the new flowers on display in the front window. He was tired of always having hope for Simon to be there and the crushing feeling when he inevitably wasn’t.

He walked the few blocks over to the coffee shop, the familiar scent hitting him and making a small smile crack on his face. He smiled when Rick called out for his usual order to be made before greeting his best friend.

“Running late today. That’s just sloppy, Ren.” he teased, a grin on his face. “You are just about right on time for me to introduce you to someone, though.” he informed him, looking past his shoulder at the person who walked through the door.

“Talking about me again?” an unfamiliar voice called out as Kieren turned to see who Rick was referencing. “Hey.” Rick was greeted before receiving a quick peck on the cheek. “Friend of yours?” Kieren was referenced with a quick gesture.

Rick nodded. “This is Ren, I’ve told you about him, yeah?” he asked. The other nodded. “Ren, this is Skye, my, uh...”

Skye gave a small chuckle at Rick’s stumbling. “We’re working on those details like labels still...”

Rick bit his lip as Kieren looked at his friend curiously. “We’re seeing each other.” he kind of shrugged, scratching the back of his head. “Let me get your drink, Ren. Skye, same as yesterday?” he asked.

Skye nodded and smiled, before turning towards Kieren. “I suppose I should thank you for pointing him in the right direction.” Kieren raised an eyebrow in question. “For helping him figure out the whole, well, you know. We met online a few days after, he invited me to come here for this weekend, except I came up a little early to surprise him. I only live like 20 minutes away actually.”

Kieren nodded. “Well, I’m glad I could help out. Rick’s my best mate, I wasn’t going to just hang him out to dry when he was going through any of that.” he looked past the counter, seeing Rick trying to make two drinks at once which was probably taking longer that just making one at a time. “I have to say, I’m glad he found you though, because I support him and everything, i just don’t know enough to be there the way I’m sure you can be for him. I tried to do some more reading but all the spectrum of things... I got confused by some of itas someone who is pan, but I’ve tried to understand.”

Skye smiled. “Yeah, I understand. I’m glad he has such a great friend for support though. It’s terrifying thinking there’s something wrong with you for so long, but sometimes finding a word for it is a relief followed by a nightmare.” Skye paused, glancing to see how far Rick was with the drinks. “You start to question yourself, if you really do feel like that or are you just in a bad relationship, et cetera. I’m sure you felt that when you were figuring everything out.”

“Gossiping about me now?” Rick asked, handing both drinks to their proper owner. He quickly kissed Skye’s cheek, a blush meeting his lips there. “Glad you two are getting along.” he smiled. “I’m off in five minutes if you want to snag a table, you’ve got what, a half hour today, Ren?”

Kieren nodded, walking off towards a table. He glanced to Skye when he found one that would seat the three of them, earning a nod of approval. “You’re right, about the feeling like something might be wrong thing. Definitely got that, especially where Rick and I grew up.”

Skye nodded. “Considering your past and everything though, it’s really amazing that you’d stick with him though.” Kieren only shrugged it off as nothing. “Well, what about you? Rick told me you work at a tattoo shop, that’s pretty awesome. RIck said that if I’m going to get another one I should go to you. For someone who doesn’t have any, he seems to think he knows a good artist when he sees one.”

“I mean, I’d be happy to, if you’d want. Wouldn’t be offended if you don’t like the style of any of mine though. Rick is just being Rick telling you that I’m all that, I’m sure.” Both Kieren and Skye shared a laugh before Rick walked up.

Skye stood to let Rick into the booth first before asking quietly where the bathrooms were. Kieren’s eyes lingered on Rick’s hand on Skye’s back as he pointed back where they sat in the back corner of the store. When Rick turned back, Kieren quickly dropped his gaze to look as if he was simply taking a drink, hoping the other hadn’t noticed. Judging by the frown that momentarily captured Rick’s face, he had.

Clearing his throat after swallowing, Kieren spoke. “Skye seems nice.”

“Ren, I know that look, what is it?” Rick asked, sliding into the spot across from Kieren.

Kieren shrugged his shoulders. “Just weird I suppose. Probably the same way you felt. Except Skye will probably stick around, it looks like.”

“Ren...”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Skye?” Kieren asked before Rick could finish what he was going to say. “I thought you were still trying to figure this out on your own, you know, that you still needed my help with stuff.”

A sigh escaped from Rick’s lips. “I do need you, Ren. I need you and your support, but I just didn’t think that Skye was going to be able to come so soon or anything like that. I was going to tell you, but you’re always still so bummed out about Simon still, and I just didn’t want to add more to that if you didn’t want to deal with me liking someone or whatever.”

“Do you think you love her?” Kieren asked quietly.

“Them.” Rick quickly clarified. “And Ren, it’s been like a month, I don’t think I could in such a short period of time. They are great, and I really like spending time with them and talking to them, but, come on Ren, it’s too early for that.” Kieren nodded, pressing his lips together. Rick looked at him curiously. “You’re not asking because you’re having thoughts about us, are you Ren?”

Kieren’s head fell as he shook it. “I don’t know, Rick, I was just asking. Like you said, I just miss Simon. I hope they stick around.”

“You’ve got to hold on to hope, Ren. His apartment hasn’t been cleaned out or anything, there’s a good chance he’s still coming back if he is still paying rent.” Rick told him as Skye came back. “I’m sure he’ll come see you when he’s back.”

Kieren shrugged, trying to give a bit of a smile before returning to his drink. Skye looked to Rick, eyebrows raised slightly. Rick gave a shrug and a sympathetic smile. They nodded in return, as if they could sense something that Rick wanted. Rick was a little confused until they spoke.

“I just remembered, I have to get a couple of things at the store while I’m here, so I think I’m going to leave you two here while I go get them.” They informed them. “I’ll meet you for dinner, Rick?” they asked, getting a nod in response. “It was nice meeting you, Kieren.” they smiled warmly.

“You too, Skye.” Kieren returned politely. He couldn’t quite tell what they whispered in Rick’s ear before heading out. 

Rick looked at his watch after watching Skye exit. “Ren, do you have anybody scheduled this afternoon?”

\---

After some teeth grinding and swearing, Rick finally had the first tattoo he had been wanting to get for a while. On his chest he now wore two tattooed dog tags, one replicating his best friend from the army’s tag that he had been given upon his death, the other tucked slightly behind it with RIP and the date of his death engraved on it.

“Wasn’t too terrible, was it?” Kieren asked his friend. “Having to wait until the end of the day was probably the hardest part, yeah?” he asked.

Rick shrugged. “Bit tender.” he replied as he put his shirt back on. “But thank you, Ren. It’s incredible.”

Kieren smiled. “Of course.” he told him genuinely. “Glad that I could do it for you. I know he meant a lot to you.”

Nodding, Rick opened the door to the shop. “Walk back to the coffee shop with me and I’ll drive you home before I meet Skye.” he offered.

Kieren was about to agree when he saw the adjacent door open, a certain jumper-clad man walking out to lock up for the night. Completely blindsiding him, Kieren threw himself at Simon, wrapping his arms around him after his short sprint.

Simon tensed for a moment before realizing who it was. Kieren. Kieren was somehow still happy to see him. The man he hadn’t stopped thinking about was in his arms again. He sighed in relief, returning the embrace and burying his face in Kieren’s soft hair.

They lost track of how much time they spent in each other’s arms. Kieren didn’t notice the way that Rick still stood in the doorway of the tattoo shop, door open and grinning at them. He certainly didn’t notice his coworkers hooting and hollering from the other side of the glass, happy to see Kieren reunited with the person he had been pining over for so long.

When they left each other’s arms, Kieren didn’t know what to say. Neither did Simon, really, but they just stared at each other. “Dinner?” the Irishman eventually asked him, a hopeful look in his eyes.

Kieren nodded, releasing the breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding. Finally, Simon was back. He could breathe again.

\---

Despite both of them having so much to say, neither could even begin to put words to anything they were feeling towards the other. They waited for the bus to take them to their apartment complexes together before words even started to properly form.

Kieren tried to look down, abashed by Simon’s constant gaze, but eventually had to acknowledge the other man looking at him with such shock. “What?” he asked.

“I’ve never had anyone welcome me back after I’ve left like that.” Simon told him honestly. Sure, his mom had the first few times, but even she had lost hope each time it happened.

Kieren shrugged. “Live long enough, you’ll see all sorts.”

Simon continued to look at the man who held his heart with awe. “You’re incredible, Kieren.” he breathed as if it was a prayer of thanksgiving.

Kieren shook his head. “No I’m not, Simon. I’m just a person who missed you.” he replied, dismissing Simon’s praise. “I’m not a messiah, I don’t have any special powers. Unlike some people.” he said, a tone of accusation in his voice.

“I don’t have any special powers.” Simon asked him, confused by Kieren’s words.

“You have the power to disappear.” Kieren told him a bit sharply. His voice softened when he noticed Simon still didn’t understand. “You left. I searched everywhere for you. Where’d you go?” he asked him.

Simon sighed. He hadn’t wanted to answer that question. Not right away. He didn’t want to tell Kieren how he had failed. “The city.” he said briefly. It wasn’t a lie. It simply wasn’t the full truth.

“Why?”

Simon ran his fingers through his hair, looking down. How could he begin to explain this to Kieren? He needed to tell him, but god, he had hoped he’d have time to figure out a better way to tell him. “Kieren, there was...” he was cut off as the bus approached. Kieren nodded, letting him know it could wait until they were home.

The short ride felt like hours for Simon. He couldn’t think of a single way to make anything he had done right. He tried to understand how he could explain to Kieren what he had done. He wished that there was something he could do. He just wanted to have the other’s forgiveness. Could Kieren forgive him if he knew what he had done?

Kieren led the way to his own apartment before saying anything. Before Kieren could unlock the door, inevitably leading to the conversation that Simon desperately wanted to put off, Simon turned the younger man around. He kissed him hard, though it was with gentleness that he pressed Kieren’s back to the door, holding his face in his hands.

Kieren returned hungrily, his hands resting on Simon’s forearms. He was surprised by the advance, but not at all displeased. He found himself wanting to touch Simon’s skin, to feel it’s heat against his palms, so gently pushed Simon’s sleeves up. He rubbed his thumbs along the smooth skin of Simon’s wrist.

Kieren’s lips still hovered towards Simon’s as the other pulled away, both taking deep breaths. “Thank you.” Simon breathed before nodding for Kieren to open the door.

A bit shocked still, Kieren fumbled with his keys, dropping them on the ground in front of him. Split seconds before he could reach them, Simon had extended his arm to grab them and return them to Kieren. As soon as he did, he realized what Kieren had suddenly become aware of.

The younger man’s eyes grew wide in surprise only briefly when he saw the fresher, angry marks on his veins where he had shot up. Forgetting about the keys, Kieren reached to Simon. He gently moved his fingertips across the forming scars, eyes looking to Simon’s eyes after doing so. His expression softened as he saw the fear in Simon’s eyes. This time it was Kieren who kissed Simon, gentle forgiveness on his lips. 

As Simon breathed in the kiss, he felt all the anxiety rush out of his body. He had Kieren again. He didn’t need words. That was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last "chapter". A brief epilogue will be posted either tonight or tomorrow. Thanks for the read and patience as always!


	10. Epilogue

“I still can’t believe how many of these you did while I was away.” Simon told Kieren one morning when Kieren shuffled up behind him, having just woken up to an empty bed. He had been admiring one of the paintings that hung in their now shared flat that Kieren had painted those many months ago. “And I still can’t believe how amazing they are.” he told his boyfriend.

“Come back to bed...” Kieren muttered into Simon’s shoulder. He had leaned against the taller man, his arms wrapped around his waist. “I hate when you leave so early.” he added in his scratchy morning voice.

Simon smiled at the voice he found so endearing. “It wouldn’t be Valentines day for a lot of blokes if I didn’t go in early today to finish all the orders.” Simon told him. He twisted to kiss Kieren’s forehead. “I’ll be at the shop by 5, alright?” he asked.

Kieren nodded, face pressed against Simon’s soft jumper. He breathed a sigh of happiness as he breathed in Simon’s scent mixed with the coffee that he had set down to hold him. “You could just skip... Let us have our own Valentines day here...” Kieren suggested.

“Go back to sleep, Kieren...” Simon smiled into his golden hair.

“Ok...” Kieren responded. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you at work.” Simon told him, kissing his lips softly.

\---

Most of Simon’s morning was spent arranging flowers for other couples. He gave them out to mostly the men who came in to pick them up patiently, knowing that it wouldn’t be long until he could give his own boyfriend his special arrangement. He counted the hours until five, occasionally looking to Kieren’s paintings on the walls, hoping that somehow the artist would burst forth from his artwork.

Kieren had surprised him by stopping in with a coffee and a love note during his own break that day. Somehow, he had managed to sneak in while Simon was in the back and both on the note. Despite Kieren’s attempt to suggest the note was from a secret admirer, Simon recognized his unique scrawl and smiled, sending him a quick text of gratitude.

As five drew nearer, Simon looked down at his arms, seeing the work Kieren had done there. Many of the customers at his shop at admired the flowery tattoos that Kieren had done, but hadn’t understood what they had meant to Simon. Kieren had covered the scars that had reminded him of his past failures, filling them with something he had grown to love, and something beautiful. Each mark became the center of a flower, with the subsequent vein taking the place of a stem. Simon had been so filled with awe at the artwork when it was first done that he almost forgot to thank Kieren for the gift he had been given.

When five finally came, Simon was quick to lock up the shop. He hid the arrangement he had made for him behind his back as he let himself in. Kieren’s coworkers, now very familiar with Simon, smiled when he walked in, letting him walk past to Kieren’s work area. The gun wasn’t running, so Simon gently knocked on the divider, not wanting to disrupt Kieren’s work if he was with a client.

The small doorway opened, revealing Kieren with an endearing smile on his face. “You’re late.” he joked.

“I had to lock up.” Simon protested.

Kieren silently laughed before trying to peek to see behind Simon. When Simon turned to keep it hidden, he reached out to try to pull his arm in front of his torso. “What are you hiding?” he whine when Simon easily kept the object hidden.

“Have to kiss me first.” Simon told him with a sly smile. Kieren may have laughed at him, but his arms were soon around Simon’s neck as he kissed him. “Hey!” Simon protested with a laugh when Kieren reached and grabbed the bouquet from behind Simon’s back.

Closing his eyes, Kieren breathed in the sweet scent of the flowers. “Thank you.” he smiled, grabbing the note stuck in the arrangement. He looked confused as he read the list of the flowers that were written under his name. More confusion ensued when Simon pointed to where the date was written.

“I made this a few days after meeting you. Well, not this one, but this idea...” Simon explained. “They all reminded me of you. Still do.” he smiled, cheeks a bit flushed.

Kieren smiled widely, again smelling the flowers. “I love them. Thank you.” He stood on his toes to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek. “I love you more though. Your present is at home.”

Simon smiled, taking Kieren’s hand and leading him out to the bus stop. After enduring some whistling from his coworkers, Kieren ducked under Simon’s arm into the fresh air.

Their driver smiled as the young couple walked on at their routine time. They sat in what had essentially become their seats, Kieren resting his head on Simon’s shoulder, as usual. Kieren played with Simon’s hand in their laps, smiling at the way things had turned out between them. He would have said something if they needed words for that sort of thing, but they both knew what the other was feeling in that moment.

They got back to their flat, fingers still intertwined. “Your present is right on the other side of the door...” Kieren told Simon as he grabbed out his key to let them in.

Simon gasped when he opened the door. There stood an incredible print of Simon arranging flowers in a field of wild flowers, with Kieren holding him from behind, pressing a flower behind Simon’s ear. A smile spread across Simon’s face as he looked at all the detail in the painting, how simply amazing it was.

“Thank you, Kieren... This is incredible...” he breathed. “I got you to do another one of these, didn’t I?” he asked, referencing all of the flowers. Kieren had done so many since they had known each other. It wasn’t something he had done hardly at all before their meeting, Simon had found out one day looking at some of Kieren’s older work.

“Of course I did.” Kieren smiled, kissing Simon’s hand. “I’m still painting flowers for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this! I'm so overwhelmed by how many of you stuck with this one and had so many kind words to say about it. I hope you all liked it through the end. Thanks again! You are all awesome! :)


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